Chapter 13 Home Sweet Home

With no where to turn to, I was forced to return home in Teluk Anson..Yes,  Home sweet home with the rest of my family members.In the comfort of home, I seemingly was missing something in my life.I was now so lonely with no shoulder to hang on to.

 Opposite our rented house was where an old frame once dwelt.The house where I visited her was still there but without any sign of her or her siblings. Their home had been sold and they had moved out. Further,she was already married.Presently I had returned home a shameful man.A failure so point seeing her or even any old friends.I had nothing to prove.

I went around town alone without any intention of meeting any old friends.No point rejoining any of them since I had disassociated myself with most of them.I just cycled and cycled aimlessly around. I do not want to revert to the old,old ways.The bad  past was already the past,we got to move forward.

Then I came to a tiny jetty where I stood starring the the rising of high tide. The sound of waves after waves splashing on its river banks making some rhythmic sound.The cool breeze came along giving me some cold, cold feelings.Yeah,funny this was the river that I learned to swim when as a young boy,so I was never scared of it.

This was the very river I had learned to swim in. I can float in it and swim like a fish in it.As I watched the water movement my mind ran across many things.Many sweet memories of the past came into my mind.Of course the bad ones also came by.

My thinking then came on to my present situation and tear drops appeared within my eyes.Bravely I wiped off those tears away.No use crying over split milk,I got to think of my future.True, a job was  much in dire need but something more important in my life should also be sorted out.I require someone to share my moments of glories and failures.

Someone that I truly love and adored ,most important be a partner of my life.That some one should have the courage to share my life.Whose shoulder was bold and strong sufficiently to with stand the weight of my weary head.And most important to console me me time of need.Many men are weaklings.Most may appeared strong and hard headed but with an extremely fragile heart

My mind ran through a number of candidates-girl friends of the past..But with the old frame was no more round to re-kindle any burning desire for her.There was no denial that I truly loved her very much.Now that I cannot bring her back and she gone forever, that ought not to be the end of the world for me.

I had to sort out the next in line.My mind ran through a long list of lovely women friends in my life.Well,there was the church where I met that first girl.There were a couple of beauties there those schooling days.Unfortunately,I had not been in contact with any of them for so long.My returning to that church would had surprised many,but that was only what I had in mind.

My failures stopped me from going into that church.Had I been a success returning would had meant something not when this time I had returned in shame.I definitely do not like sympathetic looks at me specially at such an hour of need.I was not a believer then.So I stayed away.

Then,there was one I was kissed and then good-bye in my first days in Hurst Estate Taiping,Perak..It had been years ago since I left in a lurched and I was never in touch with her.Maybe she was by now happily attached to some one else.No point digging up old tales which could hurt her more.So allowed whatever be as it was..

In my home town there were at least two of them but similarly had no contact with them,only scarcely meeting only when home.This time while at home my mind was not thinking of them either,do allowed them be.

My mind drifted from Perak to Pahang.Ah, here was where I had the most girls friends.There was an acquaintance whom I met and went out with a couple of times but later she returned to Raub never to be heard again.She was lovely but did not have the charm to bind me up.and be faithful to her.

Then came to my mind my present day wife.We had been steady for more than two years before we parted.She was always loving towards me.There was no denying that she was very beautiful.She was the loveliest of them all.She was badly hurt when we separated.In her broken heart days she even left Bentong to work else where.

We had parted for more than one and a half years.To win her back would be mountain too high to surmount.But having the sole aim to win her back nothing would be insurmountable.Another thing was I had lost contact with her now was locating her appeared an impossible task.With all her friends hostile towards me the mission seemingly impossible.

I believe when there was a heart and will,everything should prevail, nothing were impossible.Her friends would not trust me that was for sure but my friends would.Well,it was simple just be sincere with my mission, my sincerity and right altitude could drive  home my point. My  truthful should win their compassion to divert her where about to me..Through them I got her address.

Of course there was a very young girl whom I befriended during my final days in Bentong.I believe she did loved me too.However just loving me was insufficient I require something more from her.Her support in glory and failures  were imperative. Here I was in want of some one to hang my head in those time of need.

Further my mind ran through some others who had  fleeting moments with me.Maybe they were just passing passion nothing big to contemplate with.Well,those were however never proven.

Right now I faced my own dilemma.I required immediately someone to lift me up.My spirit was at its lowest ebb. I was in dire need for some one to support me and help me,guiding me,walking with me as  I surged ahead in the days to come.Men I believe were quite timid animals and their heart extremely fragile.In times of failures they most require some one's shoulder to cry on.

The address I received in good faith came in handy.Without hesitation I packed and left for the addressed destination that was Yong Peng.Yong Peng?. Never been there but to find her I must venture there without fail.

The taxi took me there ,arriving in the afternoon after a few hours.Instinctively I took up a room at the sole hotel in the one street town.Following I immediately went out to locate her .As it was a cowboy town,finding her was easy.

The hair dressing saloon where she worked had no customer at that hour.So I just walked in to greet her.Well she was caught with full of surprises but nevertheless glad that I came to see her.Without hesitation I drove home my point being there.It definitely caught her off guard.

There were little doubt that she still loved me very much as her response were so positive.She accepted me without any regrets and I kissed her passionately on the spot.No big deal I had won her back with eased.That evening we had dinner together.

The eyes of the town younger male folks were glaring angrily at my presence but I just ignored them.Well there were some admirers of her.Maybe I came just in time before she was courted by some locals there.

When I first set eyes on her she was more beautiful than before.With short trimmed hair and a slimmer out look.Extremely fair,charming and beautiful.Who would not fall for her.I consider myself damn lucky to have bulged in at he right timing,failing which  could be disastrous for me forever.

There were no doubt that I swept her off her feet with my sincerity and excellent altitude.She had no reply with my direct approach.Flabbergasted? Maybe.I left after re-confirming everything with her.Only to return to take her home for good a week later.We actually married immediately thereafter at the Registrar of Marriages,Teluk Anson.My uncle and brother stood as our witnesses. That was  in 1968.

With that settled,my mind at eased I easily secured another position as Manager of Ulu Selangor Estate,Kuala Kubu Bahru.This was a very hilly rubber plantation.The plantation was actually situated on part of  a very  steep part of a hill.Be fore I took over that plantation 

The plantation was well known for an accident along the high way between the estate and Rasa.The road accident happened in the early morning while its lorry was transporting tappers to work.The crush killed twenty over of its tappers on the spot.

I never like the way the estate was ran - on contract.Every thing in contract.Contractor having a strong hold over everything.Manager just hanging around at his mercy.Not me I tried to wrestle all from him but unfortunately the Boss trusted him more than me.So with no other alternative I was forced to leave.It was either him or me.

There were no official housing for us so we had to rent a shop lot for office cum home,located in town.My conductor stayed with me in another room.While there we also made a number of friends.In a small town like that,everyone seem to know each other.

I was jobless for a  short spell.Now armed with better experiences I think I could fare better in future planting position,but my Auntie seeing my joblessness offered a job at her husband's sawmill. Well,no harm venturing in that new post offered.Maybe I could learn and experience new things.It was as per Chinese saying,"Riding a cow to look for a horse".

What it be my mind still was all gamed for future planting life.I never gave up hope for returning to planting.Thus I began applying for position in that field.To my dismay I soon found that all my applications to the western sector wee all rejected.Apparently they made sure I have no future with them.Therefore my bad name spread far and wide.

That certainly dealt a cruel blow to my future in planting.I felt frustrated.However,I refused those failures to deter me,I continued writing despite knowing my short comings.There were no replies to all my applications.Many just simply ignored my applications.

It was really disheartening not receiving even a simple reply.My frustration led me to conceive the notion of giving up for good. In despair I refused to yield to their onslaught.I continued with my applications whenever there were opportunities advertised in the medias.Sometimes no replies could mean some other things.Was it so?.