Dead Man's Tales Chapter 18 Should I Be Given A Second Chance.....

Heaven forbibes,should I be given a second chance in life what would I do?.Good Lord should there be one would I be smarter than before?.Well,no one ever gave me that opportunity but indulged in deep dreaming would be excellent.Yeah, some wishful thinking.No truth what so ever does not matter,just wild imaginations.It should make me smile a little and with a giggle say,"what the heck?".It surely made my day.

In reality,giving others a second chance  might ultimately led to your own downfall.Most people are revengeful as proven in history.Great leaders never gave anyone that second chance.In  Chinese history there were many such story.The most being one where a warring general Liu Pei was defeated the great geberal Chang.Liu Pei through his cunningness pleaded for mercy.

Being generous and soft hearted General Chang took mercy on him to forgive and set him free.In return when Lui had re-established himself again,he took on Chang and defeated him.With that victory he gave orders to his men to pursue and beheaded Chang,showing no mercy..So the treacherous Lui Pei did not give him even an opportunity to plead for his life.

That was part of Chinese history. So history does repeat itself.It was the same with other history.I too learned the hard way that should you put some one out of action you ought to see to it that he cannot return to turn the table on you.Kindness ought to consider but never to an enemy,

Enemies are always enemies.They can never be your friends.Yeah,the bible says otherwise like "Forgive your enemies".Yes,good  but be careful, beware of them.Or never turn your back to them.

Bestowing a  second chance of myself would similarly just as futile.True for me I could correct  all the wrongs and mistakes I made but having all those things like served on a plate belated no favor.How would that be when you become all of aa sudden so smart and achieved the inevitable without any tolling hard for them.

Throughout history had taught us that it were by mistakes of trial and errors that made the beautiful world the way it is presently.So as  they say."Rome was no built in a day".Just imagine what a world would be  should everyone behaved and performed as normal.Then there be no insanity.Or the crazy would  called us insane,

The only place where people lived in harmony is a place we called Heaven.That should be the second chance for each and everyone of us.So that all the righteous and God fearing shall ultimately dwelt.A saintly place.Hell is for evil doers or bad,bad men and women.That the place where crooks,thieves,prostitutes and all other evil doers.Should you like to enjoy life after death that should also be the place you should envy.

All the above are here say only,no one had been to Heaven or Hell although there were many who claimed they have been there.It is a universal believe.You have to really die first to realize it.In the meantime just dream on.

Coming back to that should be given a second chance to relive my life.This somehow was a wishful thinking no reality.Being a good dreamer is something at least you keep your brain fully occupied and reflected in you some
wishful smile.Putting a beautiful smile is quite difficult but doing it yourself can be self satisfying.Should there be no reality  so what it was only a day dreaming.

Dreaming is an art which can bring joy and happiness to one self.Day dreaming can led one astray but as long as you do not over do it go over board with that dream and it do not hurt anyone or  yourself- it is practically alright.Once one crossed that border line in dreaming that could eventually drive one self crazy.Then you can be insane.  

Say what you may but I think insane people were the happiest people in the world,They carefree  of the world passing by them no matter what,For they have no worries at all.They do not worry about their next meal or where it came from they could devour any rubbish from any dump.They waved and danced around the streets as though the whole world belonged to them.Only the unscrupulous took advantage of such beautiful cheerful people.We have such cruel animals within our midst - sad to say.

In my day dreaming I always imagined that how nice it would be should I be given a second chance in my life.Life should not be the same or could that be possible.No,I perceived not.Because I cannot possibly changed things which were already there.For I had no magic wane to transform my family's fortune.It was going down in a bad bad state.

We were all then too young to understand all those.So how do I relive and changed things then and there.Perhaps  I could in stead of being lazy over my studies and excelled with plenty of hard work.But then without any guidance hard work alone would not bear fruits.So what changes could I have made.So the second chance would not come in handy it remained at square one.

In school I was considered an average  student if given a second chance to possibility of mine being able to transform into a better student does not hold water.Jobs were scared then,even our father had failed in securing any better jobs.With his education not exceeding that of junior middle three, he stood no chance in getting any reasonable employment.

Further he was by far a spoilt brat that made matters even worst.The family's fortune had dwindled to almost zero and so to improve himself through never existed if any there was insufficient capital to work on.Neither was he complitative enough to complete in this world of business.Being a spoilt child his little capital under him  never lasted long.So to me any second chance dimmed hopeless.

Our poor mother remained as it was helpless.What little help she could she did.Being a woman  there not much she could had done.The only thing she was used  was to tap rubber for small holders.The merger income she brought back help us to tie over our food bills nothing more.That was how we survived.There was a time when we were forced to live in a rubber estate's quarter.

All of us were then too young to work is any the wages alloted were even smaller.Life was hard but one thing we never lining on starvation despite our wrecked conditions.Our sister passed the School Certificate Exam.with flying colours studying under adverse conditions of just the dim lighting of a kerosene lamp.

There  after two years later I began working in the rubber plantation in Taiping,Perak.Should be given a chance  to relive that what changes could could i possibly made to transform things.No much I supposed.Because jobs were scared in that era.Considering the various options I think I could achieved nothing at all.Working hard was no criteria the as I was slogging the hell out to achieve something but not making any head ways.

So I with due considerations I think what had transpired was good sufficiently for that period of time.I remember an uncle telling me that I could had done better by going all out privately - individually tackling private small holders and taking a few at a time.That idea was good but with my tender age and with not much known achievements and experiences where do I stand?.It was not so easy as said as no one would trust an unknown young "Chiku",let alone allow me to handle their properties.

Another thing being environmental. Our small holders prefer tp handle the small holdings all by themselves and worked accordingly.The meager earnings from those small holdings were justifiably sufficient for their own consumption.Should they allow some one else beside them selves to haaandle  their properties where else could they go.Loiter around coffee shops,yearning away?.Anyway that was their normal duties before and after work.So no way that idea suddenly become a very stupid suggestion.That was never the small holders or slightly bigger ones' culture, anyway.

So unless I relive with a "Midas touch" there were no way I could had changed things for the better.We older generation like to day dreamed about about past and lament over all those foolish mistakes we had undertaken.In reality it took all the mistakes to establish what we are today.Should there be no yesterday there would never be a  today,Well it was surely a long long way to come to what we are these days.At least we  could live to brag about in many days to come.So come what may it surely is glad to be alive.

 History does repeat itself but not  us.What were done cannot be undone.Therefore there is no second chance and will never be.The world just had to roll on and on,flattening all all hopefuls of another chance.






To be continued

Dead Man's Tales Chapter 17 When I Speak. You listen,listen listen....................

When I speak,you listen, listen,listen, listen, listen, listen,listen, listen,listen,listen.Those words spoken by an educated woman ,made her a tyrant.No lady in the right frame of mind would have yield them out like that,let alone in a university.It transformed her into a monster nothing less.It showed her immaturity ,badly brought up.

Without the slightest doubt she was a trained brain washer.Armed with some mighty force behind her she took full advantage of every thing trying to  bull doze her way to stress her point ,loud and clear.She simply could not careless whom she offended.Being such she yelled out stupidly and blindly without fear or honor,let alone substance.Being a trained professional she thus was a disgrace to whom she represented.

With such people chairing the forum of a university,it is best not to sent your children to study at such institution of higher learning.Although the University disclaimed any connection with her but they cannot just disown her like that.If she was not theirs then how come she could chaired a forum there?. By now you should know who I was talking about. 

It was plain brain washing and this made much clearer when some other students from Kuala Lumpur  are offering her a place or an opportunity for her to redeem herself.They suggested a debate between her and the under graduate.To me that would be rather unfair.A tiny undergraduate against a professional speaker or a graduate.

Should I be the undergraduate I would not give her that chance to redeem herself.No way,allow her to yell her heart's out at that forum alone.Without the under graduate's presence her talking would be rendered useless.Let her chased her to regain her honor .The under graduate has nothing to gain in any debate,win or lose.While  the other party is fighting for survival. The undergraduate is now a heroine and she,the infamous bully .With that she might soon be written off and stored in a freezer by her Bosses.

Such outrageous behavior were nothing new to us planters in the planting sector.Watching her behaved so badly reminded me as a planter.Oh yes I remembered those days while I yelled at my subordinates they just stared defenseless blankly at me.Not single one of them dared replied my talking to them.With bend heads they nodded acceptance at all my instructions.It was cruelty but what can I do?.

When they were in the wrong and I was there to correct them or make them work accordingly as per instructions from me.I was stressing my point strongly to them.They had no alternative but to accept my instructions and follow as requested.However,my instruction if wrongly prescribed then the responsibility for on me.So listen,listen they must.

My subordinates did not have any choice but to listen and obeyed accordingly.In the University students are there to learn and in doing so they have the choice to voice their opinions/Whether those instructions or opinions be wrong or not true does not matter.They have the right to express themselves there and then.Others would have the right to veto them if wrong or differ.

In the plantation it would be different because only the Manager makes the decisions and all workers had to obey blindly right or wrong.Should he made the mistake he would be held responsible not the workers.His actions could result in his sacking without investigations.The workers would not be held responsible.The Manager could not shift the blame on them.

However  being an estate manger had their finer moments.








to be continued.

Dead Man's Tales Chapter 16 My memories of Teluk Anson

True,very true -  I had actually left Teluk Anson.Perak for more half a century.So much has since then.I am going to write about these years drifted past during my time there.The present things only can represent today's Teluk Intan never Telok Anson.

Allow me to begin with the Perak River.To me it was the most beautiful river around .So very wide during high tide and at low  tide it narrowed down half its full size.It flows inland during high tide and towards its river mouth during low tide.It timing varies from time to time and extremely consistence.

It meanders gracefully like an ox bow around our town Teluk Anson.Providing the town with plenty of activities with high and low tides.Rural folks depended on it as their sole mean of transport to and fro town.It was very important to all the people as it also allowed food stuffs to be conveyed in it.Fishermen relied on it for shrimps and fish.It also was the home of many crocodiles.Many depended on  it for bathing and water supply.

Occasionally a life or two were lost in this river and it was rumoured it swallowed at least a life a year.But it was only a rumour no truth.That I think was to deter kids from playing along those dangerous river banks.We as kids learned to swim in it.Believe me it was pretty dangerous but we survived.It is definitely a wonderful place for retirement where you can do a lot of fishing.

Teluk Anson was once flooded as per history recorded in 1890s.Apparently the whole town was not spared at all.Thereafter  a bund with earth surrounding the town proper was built by its river bank.There were at least a dozen of water gates around town.These served to control the rising water especially during high tide.Most important to control the level of water in our drains during the rainy seasons towards the end of the year.

However,when as kids playing about near those river many of those bunds appeared to have lost its existence mainly due to erosion.Many of them flattened without maintenance. Perhaps those were already irelevent because no huge flood re-occurred again for nearly a century or so.The water gates were  useful only in controlling the high tide.

As kids we used to notice the rising tide because water do filled up our drains during high tide of the river.Presently those water gates were replaced with bigger and more efficient water gates.Of course,those of better designs.The question was the replacement done because those water gates of old were no longer dependable or operational???.

I do not think so.As per record the whole town was once again flooded after nearly a century.That was on 24th.Nov.1995.Almost the whole town were sub-merged in water.To me, should those old,old bunds been maintained possibly that flood would been reverted..History does repeat itself.You cannot take things for granted.It did not happened for so long does not mean it would not re-occurred again.The British were right in puttimg up that bund but we doubted them by not maintaining them.It was damn wrong.

The meandering river around town provided plenty of fertile land for the cultivation of green oranges.Especially those land by the river bank as it meanders around town.During our time Teluk Anson was famous for its sweet and big green oranges.Unfortunately,that good fortune was soon lost forever due mainly to a root disease which wiped out most the trees,It  further rendered the soil useless, no more viable for oranges cultivation.What a cruel fate dwelt on those farmers.

As kids we had the privilege of enjoying some of those oranges.Of course we never brought them neither do we had the money to do so.So all we did were  cycled  out of town into those oranges farm.Oranges were grown every where with only tiny path for peope to move about.So on sighting no one around all we had to do were just to stop our journey and began plucking at will as quickly as we could.But how many could we steal five or six that the most,.just enough to fill our bicycle's bag,Stolen fruits were never sweet but sour,believe me it was sour not sweet.

Teluk Anson was actually a major rubber and coconut producing state.In that there were large acreages of rubber all round Teluk Anson with  coconuts lining much of its river side land.There was also wharf about two miles up which catered for big ships to come to load and unload its goods.Those days tin from the Kinta valley also exported through here.Sad to admit this wharf had lost its importance presently turning it in a ghost ship yard.


All the old relics or old sight seeing scenes of  of Telok Anson.It was constructed in 1885. The leaning of the tower began some years later fortunately it did not collapsed then.It remained as it was till today,what a fantastic achievement by it.Until lately,  no one then were interested in the tower and actually left to rot.Only a small group of sea scouts had their meeting place there at their own risk.

Why?Because the planks of all its flooring were actually rotting away.There were awkward lines of holes in between all those timber.Those planks might give way any time but those handful of scouts still used it.They have to because they had no where to go to.That was why?.No one had attempted to maintain it and I think many a times some people had passed the hat round to collect funds  but somehow it all ended in zero.

The time that clock kept was inaccurate but while it stood there many still depended on it for telling the time.In actual fact that tower was an abandoned water storage tank for the town and had been  neglected because Telok Anson had a new water storage reservoir at the 9th,mile Changkat Jong Road. 

My mother used to run a coffee stall under the tower along Canal Road.in 1954.That was why I have knowledge about that clock tower.Those days coffee stalls with attractive waitresses waiting on customers were popular .In my mother's employment were two lovely women.Most of the evening my brother and I would be there studying under the street lamp and watching the world go by. 

The compound of the tower was fenced up but everyone cold easily gain access through the front gate.It was never locked.Our stall was outside the fenced area. along Canal road.During the Japanese occupation they made that their head quarters.On the vey top floor the roofing was removed and big gins mounted on for their own protections and shoot down enemies' approaching planes if any.It also acted as a watch tower,keeping  eyes for ships coming in from the river mouth. 

It was rumored that the Japanese also tortured and slaughtered many of their enemies and spies there.The Japanese were ruthless and cruel, they simply murdered many without trails whatsoever.Should someone who do not like you, point you out to them as a spy then you could easily end up being beheaded by them.We had an uncle who was beheaded just because he looked better and taller than most of them.Those were the days of the Japanese occupation. 

He clock tower had a long history behind it.Well it is good some one had taken the interest to have it renovated to its present state - a heritage well saved.It is a must visit sight of Teluk Intan .Another sight worth remembering was Batu Tenggek,a 1st World War  memorial put there by the British.On it were inscribed as follows:-

                  At the going down f the sun and in the morning
                                  We would remember you
                                          1914   -   1918

  As kids my brother and I were informed that the stone was actually no bigger than a match box initially  and had since grew up to  that size we now see.Of that was no truth whatsoever in this.Some one 's practical joke on us.When we saw it the first time the place was well maintained but sadly not now.I remembered the Government club house behind that stone.That  was now demolished.

Not far on is the Protestant Church which was green in colour but now transformed to dark brown I think some body up there liked choacolate.Farther down at the other end laid the Catholic Church,St.Anthony School and the Convent School.

The most famous road those days was Anson Road the road on which we once dwelt when we were kids.A stone's throw from our house was the Anglo Chinese School.It is still there and I think that that our heritage despite its changed in named Anglo Chinese no more existed but the buildings remained as in tact with little renovations under a different  name we never knew.Or at least I do not know. 

 Opposite was the general hospital but the hospital had been transferred to Changkat Jong road and now the whole structures had been demolished for good.This road is nostagic to me for we had very fond memories of it.Farther down that road was the dohbi gnat  where most of the town's dirty linen were washed by Indian washers.

At the end of that road once laid loads and loads of river sand to be sold for constructions.That place was called Durian Sabatang.That was because a sole durian tree there that time,thus its name.Actually I had not seen that durian tree at all neither did most folksDuring the old days huge boats (all man rowed boats)  would take their boats following the low tides flowing down stream.

They would guide those boats towards the river banks of the other side where the clean river sand were in abundance.When the tide had resided sufficiently those men would load the sand to fill up those boats.Then they would wait for the high tide to come in to  lift up their loaded boat once again. With that they rowed their boats with the assistants of the rising water back to that end of Durian Sabatang.

The high tide also gave them the level they needed to unload their sand .On completing they would parked their boats away from those spots.I knew this because I had the privilege of following them once.I think I was about ten then.There was also a small jetty farther down.It catered for ferries ferrying rural folks from the other side of the river 

What ever produce they had were  also send through this jetty to town.Those days lorries were little known.Transportation of their produced were transported by hand pulled carts.As kids we used to watch very strong men pulling those carts to market.There would also be an assistant pushing from behind to ease their burden.Most of their produced were vegetables,melons,sugar  canes and at times durians.Pigs,chickens and ducks were also among their produced.

 That jetty those days was so simple beside dangerous yet it catered for for so many.Compared to today's jetty so magnificiently constructed  but with so few people using it.These days modern transport had taken over so everything eased down.But I still do not understand why spent so much on something that had lost its importance or usage - already?For a new heritage????. My good ness.Or just to allow some retired folks to fish for shrimps??.

Further up the road from the school is the Indian temple called the Sri Subramainam temple.This temple was constructed by the Chettiars (money lenders) in 1926. From there on wards were a row of shop houses mostly occupied by such people.During our time there many of them about but today there are lesser in numbers.

Come April or so there would be a Hindu celebration of the temple whereby hosts of Indians from every where would joined in for the celebration.It used to be a three days affair.Those days we would find Indians every where and they would stayed until the festival was over,sleeping on five foot way and every they can secured a shelter 

We really enjoyed the first morning of their celebrations whereby devotees went into a trance after a bath in the river.In trance most of those devotees were pierced with all sort of needles big and small ,long and short,many a times with weights and ,lemons etc. attached at the ends.Seemingly quite scary.With that on they danced towards the temple with followers chanting prayers as they went.

We as kids simply loved to follow them as they chanted their prayers.Followed by shouts of"Wai,wai..... alogra"in unison by supporters all round.That was really good fun.This would go in until mid day or so.With that ended most would be left paying their homages ti their Hindu gods.

Around the surroundings of the temples would be many sheds plying their trades but mostly Indian stuffs.The celebration would end on the 3rd day evening's with a bullock  driven chariot carrying the Hindu god round town.Praying at the front of houses of devotees as they passed by.At each house they prayed coconuts were smashed into pieces.Finally the chariot  would returned to the temple.

After those Chettiars shop lots is the other end of the market.It faces the side of the  clock tower actually though there were coffee shop in front of it then. In our days at this end there were many sundry stalls and the midst of this were the fruit sellers from the kampongs .Kampongs used to bring in their produces there,Mostly local fruits such as pineapples,coconuts  and others.

Finally further down there was the side of the town police station ,located at the turn of the road and we reached the other end of Anson Road.Thus the road joined the same Perak river as it meanders round town.It was quite convenient to lodge any reports then but today you need to travel a lot further down to road to Changkat Jong Road.There you are we have the two ends of Anson Road fifty years ago.Looking at it today there were vast differences.

The market presently had been renovated with many changes. but its size remained as it was - no bigger.This market had also been  a place the Japanese tortured and chopped off the heads of many.It was therefore believe that it was haunted by many headless ghosts.I wander whether those ghosts still wonder around to frighten people? 

There is a Chinese temple by the riverside,the Hock Soon Temple built in 1883.Every year in October  there was celebration for the nine Emperor god by the Hokkien .Before there was a road in front of that temple.Today I think that road and part of the temple had been eroded away,despite all efforts to stop it,but failed miserably.The flow of the river  were simply too strong to be with held.

Talking about haunted house there were at least three of them in town those days.The Raja Muda residence along the side Raja Musa road  was a sight to behold in our days.Our secondary school was situated directly behind it.  Apparently it was  left neglected or attended in ruins for some time-turning it into a ghost house.Presently that was already demolished but the vast compound it covered remained glassily intact.

Another known haunted house was the Woo Saik Hong Mansion at the corner of Speedy road.It is still there intact.So ghost busters why not check on it?A stone throw away from this haunted house by the side of Speedy Road playing field was a drone.A circular concrete structure which could served as a resting place for players and others .It was built by a group of Ceylonese for what do not know,maybe in remembrance of their presence,.

The third haunted building was the one bungalow along Batah Rabbit Road facing the river.A colonial bungalow but it was now demolished,The list can go on and on I tell you.Maybe one of these days I should go down to take photographs of all existing ghost houses of Teluk Intan and post it my blog - for the benefit of all or to ghost busters..

Another place to remember of old Teluk Anson was the sight where a huge bull elephant was crushed to death. It was standing aloft on the railway track facing against the on coming train.Apparently it was protecting its herd against the onslaught of the iron horse which rammed into it without mercy,killing it instantly.

The then Authorities erected a sign there in remembrance of its bravery.This sight could be located not far the Sungai Nibong Railway bridge.It was on the left hand side of the railway track.Presently there is a road running there I think. I wonder the sign is still in tact there?.That incident happened on the 17th.Sept.1894,more than a century ago. 

There have been quite a lot of publications about its  food claiming this and that.Those were food representing today. Sad to say none of those depicted matched the food in the fifties or sixties and no where near them.Take "Chee Cheong Fun"for example.The famous 'Chee Cheong Fun" is more there it was never like that.That is the new look and the tastes...blah ....blah.....blah you called those Teluk Anson "Chee Cheong Fun"?  

Far from it,man,sorry that was never it...Sometimes in Kepong market,Kuala Lumpur I had come across a  hawker trying to make the old type which I think were more representative of the old "chee Cheong Fun" than those existing in Teluk Intan toady.However the tastes were still off target,but it was at least a good try.Does bring back a lot Nostalgia.

Cannot blamed present people as most of the "Chee Cheong Fun" were factory made,for quick profits.Those days in the fifties the gluttonese rice sold were very good.Oily and hot - going with very nice roast port.To day we can no more see them around even in Teluk Intan..

The curry mee those days were very good  with red hot curry that came in at fifteen or twenty cents per bowl.To think of them makes my mouth watered but sadly today's standard were no where near them So were the "Assam Laksa". Oh yes,I loved  those days "Char Koay Teoh" too. All yummy yummy.I think the  cooking with wood made the difference in their tastes.Well you all not necessary to believe what I said.But I meant what I said.

I also missed those days soup makers.Those 'makmak" really knew how to boil good tasty  soups.May those be beef shavings,goat's head and legs or chicken soups they were so good and came cheaply.Also at fifteen to twenty cents per bowl.Imagine those soups were bowl with bits and bits shavings of goat or buffalo it still tasted that good .

Unlike today,the "makmak" dumped or lumped all the chicken,mutton and beef together in to boil at one go.Very unethical indeed.As such they served none beef consumers the same soup when they actually ordered for chicken or mutton soup.I mean there was no distinction or difference.To me it was a total betrayal of trust by customers. 

Although they boiled every things together,their soup still did not attained the same results as those of yester years.Besides,quite unhygenic because they would cut the already cooked meat as per order.Chicken for chicken soup,mutton for mutton soup and beef for beef soup.The handling with unclean hands usually.

Those days there was also an old Javanese man selling very good Javanese "mee rebus".He used to ply his trade on a bicycle but he usually could be located at the bus station.His mee was then very famous ,both tasty and cheap..It was from him that the present day "mee rebus" existed.Of course his decendants now sell their "mee rebus" from shops.

Say what you may but all the food today are not what they claimed to be I assure you all.To day's food do not taste as before,beside more expensive.Time had really transformed all these old,old food..It is really very sad indeed for them to have induced such  drastic changes. Much could be attributed to men' s greed for bigger and faster returns.

Beside  most of them had lost their dignities in supplying substandard and adulterated food to the public.As long as they could make the extra  profits they could not careless - that were their attitude.The older generations who produced those good food were all dead and gone but as they left many did not passed on their skills and knowledge on to their children or disciples.Many younger people might  had found it too simple thus never bother to learn those skills properly.

Dead Man's Tales Chapter 15 Growing old...............

In old age many things changed.You have to come to that point to understand what I meant,Anyway I had come to terms with them.So let by gone be by gone.There were nothing to be sour about them,I would just ignored them allow them to float pass me for good.

For me it was simple because all my life I survived in  the plantations mostly all by myself so the loneliness does not bother me one wee bit.In the plantation I was almost at the top of most people around.In that position everyone "kowtow" me.No one dares to ignore me.For many had to depend on me for their survival.I had things all my way.

Growing old all these transformed presently  no body seem to know I still existed ,all such were my shortcomings.In my case in retirement I had just survived a bout of cancer of the blood (AML),besides this I had many other ailments hindering me.To make matter worst I am partially deaf,for my left ear has gone deaf.I can hear perfectly with my right ear.My eyes were  sightly burred , all partly due to aging and mainly due to my diabetics.

 My strength in walking had been reduced greatly.I had the urged to perform better but the strength to walk were not present.For I got tired easily The list can go on and on but the courage to live on still firmly in tact.Growing old is a graceful thing  and I intent to lead a normal life irrespective of what other may think.Living alone is nothing new to me.



Even the dogs on seeing me would wagged their tails.As long as you had it going you had the respect of all alike,employees,businessmen , relatives or even strangers.Those were the days when you had everything under control.True many of those were hypocrites.They paid their courtesy for their well being in front but talked bad behind my back.Well,most people were like that.

I remembered the days that whenever I had tea in any simple coffee shops my bills were settled before I could finished my refreshments.Many a times I do not know who settled my bills.Well,I never encouraged anyone to do that.I even went to the extent of telling the shop proprietor not except any such settlements.

But shop keepers being a businessman had no choice as he did not want to offend either parties.In any case I was only a small  customer compared to those who settled my bills.So what can I do except not to drink there anymore but in a cowboy township at times there were no better shops in existent. 

Those days friends also were more courteous and obliging.Somehow there were those who took advantage of our friendship.These people were good whenever they thought you could be of used to their ulterior motives.Then you would be valuable to them but should they had no more used of you ,you be ignored you or even go gang up against you.Well I had met at last two such so called friends in the plantations. 

Good friends were never good business partners especially those who thought highly of themselves.When coming to talking about money there should be no friendship as I found out the hard way.Many were greedy sufficiently to swindle you of every penny you owned.To me I think there was no such thing as better understanding of each other or such things as give and take attitude.Best of all must not trust any body in business.

Talking about relatives,most were like those friends I had.No one even dared raised a voice against me those days but once I in retirement and in old age I seem to be transparent and my voice to many inaudible.Not many take note of what I uttered .Yeah maybe I was uttering too much nonsense 

Having been a planter most of my working career it was difficult to converse with most people from different trades.Opinions differed widely.In the plantation I always talked with authorities,honesty and straight forward , so it was quite impossible to change,to speak slowly or to tone down.That was the problem or rather my problem.

There were definitely an attitude problem not of my making but just  a career hazard.I was most of the time in  Chinese owned concern where I do not have to climb the corporate ladder where you have to butter the superiors on your way to the top.Ought to be careful all the way as there were many cliques.Myself I could not careless I do not have to rub shoulders with anyone. I only respect my Boss very often there was only one sole Boss.

As life prolonged slowly and steadily I could feel that many were actually ignoring me.It was easy to tell by their behaviors towards me and family.Their absence were one.They actually went to extent of making me embarrassed by leaving me out to their functions whereby most other relatives were invited.Perhaps an old man like me would be an embarrassment them further in front of their honored guests.

They may forget me but they need not go that extent of inviting everyone leaving except me out,making it so obvious that I was not wanted.Well a little sour within maybe but no hard feelings and no grudge because they had that privilege to dump me for good.Should that made them felt better by all means - good riddance.I still can live on without them..

So they said all good things must somehow come to an end and this is it - so retirement I just had to come to terms with all these.I can live alone,walk the walk alone Dream my dreams Dreaming might and might not come true so what if it does not?.Well just smile should  you failed because it just a dream.

To me dreaming is an art,an art which can make you happy and smile all the while,laugh a good laugh.On lookers might think that you were crazy smiling  laughing by yourself.Well as long as that kept you face with a big big smile and made you happy,cherishing every moment. Who cares what others think?In any case better than wearing a long stupid looking face all day long.

It should not be a lonely life even thought you had no one around you.Just take a god look around and you can find that there were many things you could have done.For me I took up art.Initially I did oil painting which proved to be too costly. Then,I switched on to sketching with pencils which proved to be cheap and cleaner.In sketching I did mostly on drawing beautiful faces.I may not be very good but I think I am improving by the drawings done daily.

Should the space be available I might go on to sculpturing that ought to be more interesting,Medium for it are found all over and it should not be costly.In that I think I can expressed myself better.Well,that were the beauties of art whereby you can express your feelings within them.

Growing old is not lonely actually.For one should you have grandchildren,growing old meant a lot  more than anything else.When blessed with grandchildren growing old ought to be graceful.Many do not have that privilege even to live to see all these.For me I know I am blessed by the Lord to have survived that long to enjoy the fruits of my long slogging all those long hard years.Thinking back it was well worth it.Praise the Lord.

That would meant that I could play with them till my final moments in life.Well,presently I have two French grandchildren both pf them boys .Ages between seventeen and thirteen by my first daughter.My second daughter gave me also two Dutch grandchildren. A boy age twelve and lovely girl of age ten.My youngest son has a daughter age one.

My daughters' children are overseas only my son's daughter is with us here in Kuala Lumpur.












So to be continued.