Dead Man's Tales Chapter 15 Growing old...............

In old age many things changed.You have to come to that point to understand what I meant,Anyway I had come to terms with them.So let by gone be by gone.There were nothing to be sour about them,I would just ignored them allow them to float pass me for good.

For me it was simple because all my life I survived in  the plantations mostly all by myself so the loneliness does not bother me one wee bit.In the plantation I was almost at the top of most people around.In that position everyone "kowtow" me.No one dares to ignore me.For many had to depend on me for their survival.I had things all my way.

Growing old all these transformed presently  no body seem to know I still existed ,all such were my shortcomings.In my case in retirement I had just survived a bout of cancer of the blood (AML),besides this I had many other ailments hindering me.To make matter worst I am partially deaf,for my left ear has gone deaf.I can hear perfectly with my right ear.My eyes were  sightly burred , all partly due to aging and mainly due to my diabetics.

 My strength in walking had been reduced greatly.I had the urged to perform better but the strength to walk were not present.For I got tired easily The list can go on and on but the courage to live on still firmly in tact.Growing old is a graceful thing  and I intent to lead a normal life irrespective of what other may think.Living alone is nothing new to me.



Even the dogs on seeing me would wagged their tails.As long as you had it going you had the respect of all alike,employees,businessmen , relatives or even strangers.Those were the days when you had everything under control.True many of those were hypocrites.They paid their courtesy for their well being in front but talked bad behind my back.Well,most people were like that.

I remembered the days that whenever I had tea in any simple coffee shops my bills were settled before I could finished my refreshments.Many a times I do not know who settled my bills.Well,I never encouraged anyone to do that.I even went to the extent of telling the shop proprietor not except any such settlements.

But shop keepers being a businessman had no choice as he did not want to offend either parties.In any case I was only a small  customer compared to those who settled my bills.So what can I do except not to drink there anymore but in a cowboy township at times there were no better shops in existent. 

Those days friends also were more courteous and obliging.Somehow there were those who took advantage of our friendship.These people were good whenever they thought you could be of used to their ulterior motives.Then you would be valuable to them but should they had no more used of you ,you be ignored you or even go gang up against you.Well I had met at last two such so called friends in the plantations. 

Good friends were never good business partners especially those who thought highly of themselves.When coming to talking about money there should be no friendship as I found out the hard way.Many were greedy sufficiently to swindle you of every penny you owned.To me I think there was no such thing as better understanding of each other or such things as give and take attitude.Best of all must not trust any body in business.

Talking about relatives,most were like those friends I had.No one even dared raised a voice against me those days but once I in retirement and in old age I seem to be transparent and my voice to many inaudible.Not many take note of what I uttered .Yeah maybe I was uttering too much nonsense 

Having been a planter most of my working career it was difficult to converse with most people from different trades.Opinions differed widely.In the plantation I always talked with authorities,honesty and straight forward , so it was quite impossible to change,to speak slowly or to tone down.That was the problem or rather my problem.

There were definitely an attitude problem not of my making but just  a career hazard.I was most of the time in  Chinese owned concern where I do not have to climb the corporate ladder where you have to butter the superiors on your way to the top.Ought to be careful all the way as there were many cliques.Myself I could not careless I do not have to rub shoulders with anyone. I only respect my Boss very often there was only one sole Boss.

As life prolonged slowly and steadily I could feel that many were actually ignoring me.It was easy to tell by their behaviors towards me and family.Their absence were one.They actually went to extent of making me embarrassed by leaving me out to their functions whereby most other relatives were invited.Perhaps an old man like me would be an embarrassment them further in front of their honored guests.

They may forget me but they need not go that extent of inviting everyone leaving except me out,making it so obvious that I was not wanted.Well a little sour within maybe but no hard feelings and no grudge because they had that privilege to dump me for good.Should that made them felt better by all means - good riddance.I still can live on without them..

So they said all good things must somehow come to an end and this is it - so retirement I just had to come to terms with all these.I can live alone,walk the walk alone Dream my dreams Dreaming might and might not come true so what if it does not?.Well just smile should  you failed because it just a dream.

To me dreaming is an art,an art which can make you happy and smile all the while,laugh a good laugh.On lookers might think that you were crazy smiling  laughing by yourself.Well as long as that kept you face with a big big smile and made you happy,cherishing every moment. Who cares what others think?In any case better than wearing a long stupid looking face all day long.

It should not be a lonely life even thought you had no one around you.Just take a god look around and you can find that there were many things you could have done.For me I took up art.Initially I did oil painting which proved to be too costly. Then,I switched on to sketching with pencils which proved to be cheap and cleaner.In sketching I did mostly on drawing beautiful faces.I may not be very good but I think I am improving by the drawings done daily.

Should the space be available I might go on to sculpturing that ought to be more interesting,Medium for it are found all over and it should not be costly.In that I think I can expressed myself better.Well,that were the beauties of art whereby you can express your feelings within them.

Growing old is not lonely actually.For one should you have grandchildren,growing old meant a lot  more than anything else.When blessed with grandchildren growing old ought to be graceful.Many do not have that privilege even to live to see all these.For me I know I am blessed by the Lord to have survived that long to enjoy the fruits of my long slogging all those long hard years.Thinking back it was well worth it.Praise the Lord.

That would meant that I could play with them till my final moments in life.Well,presently I have two French grandchildren both pf them boys .Ages between seventeen and thirteen by my first daughter.My second daughter gave me also two Dutch grandchildren. A boy age twelve and lovely girl of age ten.My youngest son has a daughter age one.

My daughters' children are overseas only my son's daughter is with us here in Kuala Lumpur.












So to be continued.