Chapter 8
I Should Not Be Alive
It is wonderful to be alive but to survive at a rate of MR $ 100/= per day is no more funny.I know this would definitely bring a burden on to my entire family members.Worst is that there is not a single thing I can do to change all these.
Presently I am just a living parasite if not a vegetable nothing more.To keep me alive,my family has to forego many things.This disruption in their lives hurts my heart dearly.Of course this was never what I least expected.
The agony is that this is the second time I am given a reprieved of my dear life.The first time being the time twelve years ago where I survived a bout of cancer,Luekaemia (AML).That sickness depleted my small insurance insured by my company.
This time around I am down with kidneys problems where I am required to have dialysis to stay alive.With no insurance or other income my poor family got to take care of everything.It is costing a hefty $100/= a day to keep me around.What a shame for me to stay alive like that.
The agony is that I find no good reasons why I should be kept alive?.We were one happy family before this now we are surely to run into financial problems,not for me but for my family members.All for nothing accept to keep my wretch life in surviving on.I am nothing of any no significance..
Well.at least there is a friend who thinks that my being alive must have its significance and that there should be something worthy on its way at the end of the rainbow.Otherwise it should be a time where my children showed their graditudes and duties.Nevertheless this is not what I am pressing home.
Say what you may, it is still great to be alive and to survive two rounds of magnificient illnesses which could deprieved me of living on.Staying alive mean that I can see and play with all my grand children before I leave this world.Most important of all I can be with family for remaining days of my life,a thing which I dearly missed while I was working.
So I think it is a blessing to a alive .Not many could achieved that.Thank the good Lord for preserving me all this while.
Friday, November 29, 2013
Monday, November 18, 2013
Chapter 7 My Operation At Sentosa Medical Centre
Yesterday ( 19/11/ 13 ) the day of appointment for my strap fitting operation at Sentosa Medical Centre.I arrived at that Centre as requested at 11.oo a.m.We got myself registered almost immediately and waited for the Doctor to call us in,but as usual the Doctor never on time.Apparently that day was his seeing patients day.
Nevertheless we waited until an hour later or so I was called up to 2nd floor where patients were rested before and after operation.There I was told to wait for the Doctor who who would only be due an hour or so later therefore I had to wait for him there.I went on to have a light lunch before returning to that ward.
Finally I was told to get ready for the Doctor.I was made to undress myself fully even false teeth had to be removed.Having stripped naked and put on that funny one piece green rope I again rested on my bed to wait.It told a while when I was finally wheel chaired to the operation room.
There I was made to lie on the operating bed with hand stretched out (my right hand).The Doctor finally arrived and almost immediately operated on my wrist.There were some visitors looking on my operation.They were actually thee to watch the administration,a new product for operation.
Anyway that had nothing to do with me accept it was my hand that was operated on.The operation only lasted half an hour.Slightly painful ordeal for me but most important everything went on smoothly.Thereafter I requested to be released earlier by 3.00 p.m. as I had to attend to my dialysis at 4.00 p.m.
All went on well and I arrived at the dialysis Centre duly on time.Have to spend another four hours for the treatment.I had always wanted to avoid all these yet it was bestowed on me for no reason or for reason beyond my comprehension.If was for some reason I sure am not aware of.
I know for for sure I am going to be a burden to my family.It will definitely caused them some misery and most of all some money on an unworthy cause.I have lived my life fully and everything apparently over they have their lives to live up to,so should perish earlier it would surely be very good for them.
With me out of the way they can easily led a happier life.So I should be dead that would be better the benefit of all. At least I would be well remembered rather than a condemn man..
Nevertheless we waited until an hour later or so I was called up to 2nd floor where patients were rested before and after operation.There I was told to wait for the Doctor who who would only be due an hour or so later therefore I had to wait for him there.I went on to have a light lunch before returning to that ward.
Finally I was told to get ready for the Doctor.I was made to undress myself fully even false teeth had to be removed.Having stripped naked and put on that funny one piece green rope I again rested on my bed to wait.It told a while when I was finally wheel chaired to the operation room.
There I was made to lie on the operating bed with hand stretched out (my right hand).The Doctor finally arrived and almost immediately operated on my wrist.There were some visitors looking on my operation.They were actually thee to watch the administration,a new product for operation.
Anyway that had nothing to do with me accept it was my hand that was operated on.The operation only lasted half an hour.Slightly painful ordeal for me but most important everything went on smoothly.Thereafter I requested to be released earlier by 3.00 p.m. as I had to attend to my dialysis at 4.00 p.m.
All went on well and I arrived at the dialysis Centre duly on time.Have to spend another four hours for the treatment.I had always wanted to avoid all these yet it was bestowed on me for no reason or for reason beyond my comprehension.If was for some reason I sure am not aware of.
I know for for sure I am going to be a burden to my family.It will definitely caused them some misery and most of all some money on an unworthy cause.I have lived my life fully and everything apparently over they have their lives to live up to,so should perish earlier it would surely be very good for them.
With me out of the way they can easily led a happier life.So I should be dead that would be better the benefit of all. At least I would be well remembered rather than a condemn man..
Friday, November 15, 2013
Chapter 6 My Routine Hemothoggy Checkup
As per routine checkup I presented myself at about 6.30 a.m. and found the system changed.Now there was no need to line up for in place of is numbering machine>well it was to good for in the future,or was it?
Anyway I got my number being number 4 at that early I was fourth in line.I did my registration thereafter at 7.30 a.m. expecting to to have an early treatment and to return home thereafter.My blood samples was duly given a few minutes thereafter.
Further on I went on to collect my medications.After submitting my requirements to their respective counters I drifted to break my fasting at the canteen.I had not much time to waste anyway so I simply had a simple one of "char Koey Teow" and coffee Then on I collected my medicines.It was done very quickl.
Immediately I rushed back to my appointment with the checkup or rather waited for myself to be called up I wait,and I wait and I waited.But my number was never called up at all instead others number especially those coming in later were being treated first.I smelt something fishy installed.Nevertheless I kept my patient.
Minutes passed then hours passed and patients coming in later were treated earlier than the few of us who came in earlier.Five hours later I made my call at those relevant counters only to be told my folder had just been sent into to room where doctors were to attend to them.
However I checkup with the nurse at the room only to be told I would be duly attended to by a doctor.My call soon came and I was treated by a young doctor.It only took a minute as I had no complaints accept the ill treatment by those in autorithy.
I left the Centre thereafter at about 12.30 p.m. What A long wait.What was it ?,Nothing actually but sheer discrimination by certain nurses and hospital attendants.Their obstructions meant a lot to us elderly patients.Have they no mercy for the elders or the sickly?Have they no parents?I suspect a lot about racialism attached to this.
But what can we common citizens do but to vote the next better government next time around.But one thing is sure the more they discriminate us the more anger would roared us towards the opposition the more.Don't give up on us Anwar... .
Anyway I got my number being number 4 at that early I was fourth in line.I did my registration thereafter at 7.30 a.m. expecting to to have an early treatment and to return home thereafter.My blood samples was duly given a few minutes thereafter.
Further on I went on to collect my medications.After submitting my requirements to their respective counters I drifted to break my fasting at the canteen.I had not much time to waste anyway so I simply had a simple one of "char Koey Teow" and coffee Then on I collected my medicines.It was done very quickl.
Immediately I rushed back to my appointment with the checkup or rather waited for myself to be called up I wait,and I wait and I waited.But my number was never called up at all instead others number especially those coming in later were being treated first.I smelt something fishy installed.Nevertheless I kept my patient.
Minutes passed then hours passed and patients coming in later were treated earlier than the few of us who came in earlier.Five hours later I made my call at those relevant counters only to be told my folder had just been sent into to room where doctors were to attend to them.
However I checkup with the nurse at the room only to be told I would be duly attended to by a doctor.My call soon came and I was treated by a young doctor.It only took a minute as I had no complaints accept the ill treatment by those in autorithy.
I left the Centre thereafter at about 12.30 p.m. What A long wait.What was it ?,Nothing actually but sheer discrimination by certain nurses and hospital attendants.Their obstructions meant a lot to us elderly patients.Have they no mercy for the elders or the sickly?Have they no parents?I suspect a lot about racialism attached to this.
But what can we common citizens do but to vote the next better government next time around.But one thing is sure the more they discriminate us the more anger would roared us towards the opposition the more.Don't give up on us Anwar... .
Monday, November 11, 2013
Chapter 5 The Strap for future dialysis
To day my son took me to Sentosa Medical Centre to meet with an appointment with a Doctor to insert a strap in one of my hands for future dialysis.My present dialysis is done through the base of the throat.This is only on temporary basis.The appointment was to be 8.30 a.m. and it turned out to be a long long wait when the Doctor finally turned up at about 10.00 o clock.
My strap was not fitted then because I had consumed Disprin my medication earlier.so I had to abstain from it for at least five days.The good doctor fixed the following Monday for my operation at between 11 a.m. to 1 p.m.Three hours with only an hour for operation It is not going to be cheap for that operation will cost us $ 1750/=.Till then I keep my fingers crossed hoping everything will go on successfully
Later while waiting for my son to come by I met an old man at the entrance of that Centre.What he told me gave a chilled.For he said that he had his strap done at that Centre which turned out to be a total failure.With that he had to redo the operation at Gleneagle at a hefty sum of $ 2800/-.Scary really,what should my operation be the same?
But then the good doctor had assured me that mine,everything should be okay as my arms are fit and strong.The doctor pointed at two spots he would operate on.The first should be on my right wrist.Failing which he would performed it further up at the arm joint.Hopefully the operation is a success.
To be continued.
My strap was not fitted then because I had consumed Disprin my medication earlier.so I had to abstain from it for at least five days.The good doctor fixed the following Monday for my operation at between 11 a.m. to 1 p.m.Three hours with only an hour for operation It is not going to be cheap for that operation will cost us $ 1750/=.Till then I keep my fingers crossed hoping everything will go on successfully
Later while waiting for my son to come by I met an old man at the entrance of that Centre.What he told me gave a chilled.For he said that he had his strap done at that Centre which turned out to be a total failure.With that he had to redo the operation at Gleneagle at a hefty sum of $ 2800/-.Scary really,what should my operation be the same?
But then the good doctor had assured me that mine,everything should be okay as my arms are fit and strong.The doctor pointed at two spots he would operate on.The first should be on my right wrist.Failing which he would performed it further up at the arm joint.Hopefully the operation is a success.
To be continued.
Thursday, November 7, 2013
CHapter 4 The Dialysis
My first dialysis turned out to be sort of nightmare for me.I was warded at the 8th floor of Menara Temor of the University Centre.Initially everything seem comfortable.Nice bed and well partition with curtains. But as time passed the ward's air condition seem to become cooler and colder beyond my expectations.I had to put on extra warm .
My first dialysis came that very evening,my very first taste of dialysis.Before that they had to insert an opening at the base of my neck.Slightly on the right end of my throat.Not long thereafter I was carted into the dialysis ward in my bed.This being so because I could hardly walk on my own there plus also I was attached to oxygen as I had difficulties in breathing.
That ward had many other patients doing the same.Similarly the air condition there were extremely cold.Later I found out that the air condition for all the wards were centralized air conditioned so the no one in the ward could lay their hands on its control.I had my warn jacket on all the time plus blanket covering.Even with such I seen pretty cold and shivering most of the time.Waiting and listening to the nearby machine perform its duty on.
My thoughts automatically ran astray.What for per session costing somewhat $ 180/=,my blood were thus cleanse for lengthy time of four hours.Before long I had to go through the whole process for another twice per week.With that I am expected to live on.My life brought from hard earned money.It no money no life.What a tragedy to my life.
Another drastic thing and that is I would only be there for two weeks,thereafter to be transferred elsewhere.That being so because the Hospital has no space to cater for so many patients,patients increasing by the day.So my son has to go hunting around keeping our fingers crossed.
The side effects of the dialysis on my body were unbearable pain throughout after the first few session.I could only lay straight on my bed but dared not row side way or even turn for that matter,,because it aches and crumbed everywhere when ever I attempt to turn.Should I sleep on in one position it would okay but too long sleeping in one position aches Bounded helpless in one position,a simple turn one require assistance of others.
But should that happened deep into the night who do you turn to.I had a host of nurses on duty sitting almost across my bed.It would not be nice to arouse them either from their work especially deep inyo the night.So.....Call to the devil they do not answer your plight.On the whole I never slept well those nights.I was quite fortunate as I still could slowly crept to the wash room on my own
On the third evening I was released from the Ward,what a relief it was to be.Going back to home sweet home.At home that night I slept in the sitting room for two nights as going up stair for me would be a problem because I could not move around with ease on my own.The first night I slept on the arm chair .I could only stand up on my own to ease myself and no further.As routine my whole body aches with crumbs through out.AS far as possible I tried not to move so much until morning.
The following evening I tried sleeping on the floor.Nuturally sleeping was more comfortable but still I could not as I pleased especially deep into the night I had to begged for help to come down to assist me but late nights it was difficult even even to wake up the ghosts around.But help did come when my son heard my cries for help.Mine,what a relief that was.
The next night I felt better and could crept to my own room where I be more comfortable.Although I could stand up and moved around my body still had aches and crumbs.Still after lying in bed in one position I could hardly moved around as I please for still required assistance to help me.As the night before I had to beg for help.Deep into the night help do not come easily.As per previous night my son came running to me on hearing my helpless cries for help.
All these made me felt so helpless and useless.An old man who has lost all and was no more useful surviving on this earth anymore.To keep me alive will mean more money to be spend.I had always insisted on non dependence on anyone let alone my children but then that had been driven on to them,why it be like that?.I had worked hard my life to give them a comfortable living and now look at this happening.I am restoring or levying some heavy burden on them.
See,they too have their families to care for.I am now useless old man who has nothing to contribute to any of them should be living on to waste away all the resources.It is not right they sacrificed their happiness so that I live on.
w
My first dialysis came that very evening,my very first taste of dialysis.Before that they had to insert an opening at the base of my neck.Slightly on the right end of my throat.Not long thereafter I was carted into the dialysis ward in my bed.This being so because I could hardly walk on my own there plus also I was attached to oxygen as I had difficulties in breathing.
That ward had many other patients doing the same.Similarly the air condition there were extremely cold.Later I found out that the air condition for all the wards were centralized air conditioned so the no one in the ward could lay their hands on its control.I had my warn jacket on all the time plus blanket covering.Even with such I seen pretty cold and shivering most of the time.Waiting and listening to the nearby machine perform its duty on.
My thoughts automatically ran astray.What for per session costing somewhat $ 180/=,my blood were thus cleanse for lengthy time of four hours.Before long I had to go through the whole process for another twice per week.With that I am expected to live on.My life brought from hard earned money.It no money no life.What a tragedy to my life.
Another drastic thing and that is I would only be there for two weeks,thereafter to be transferred elsewhere.That being so because the Hospital has no space to cater for so many patients,patients increasing by the day.So my son has to go hunting around keeping our fingers crossed.
The side effects of the dialysis on my body were unbearable pain throughout after the first few session.I could only lay straight on my bed but dared not row side way or even turn for that matter,,because it aches and crumbed everywhere when ever I attempt to turn.Should I sleep on in one position it would okay but too long sleeping in one position aches Bounded helpless in one position,a simple turn one require assistance of others.
But should that happened deep into the night who do you turn to.I had a host of nurses on duty sitting almost across my bed.It would not be nice to arouse them either from their work especially deep inyo the night.So.....Call to the devil they do not answer your plight.On the whole I never slept well those nights.I was quite fortunate as I still could slowly crept to the wash room on my own
On the third evening I was released from the Ward,what a relief it was to be.Going back to home sweet home.At home that night I slept in the sitting room for two nights as going up stair for me would be a problem because I could not move around with ease on my own.The first night I slept on the arm chair .I could only stand up on my own to ease myself and no further.As routine my whole body aches with crumbs through out.AS far as possible I tried not to move so much until morning.
The following evening I tried sleeping on the floor.Nuturally sleeping was more comfortable but still I could not as I pleased especially deep into the night I had to begged for help to come down to assist me but late nights it was difficult even even to wake up the ghosts around.But help did come when my son heard my cries for help.Mine,what a relief that was.
The next night I felt better and could crept to my own room where I be more comfortable.Although I could stand up and moved around my body still had aches and crumbs.Still after lying in bed in one position I could hardly moved around as I please for still required assistance to help me.As the night before I had to beg for help.Deep into the night help do not come easily.As per previous night my son came running to me on hearing my helpless cries for help.
All these made me felt so helpless and useless.An old man who has lost all and was no more useful surviving on this earth anymore.To keep me alive will mean more money to be spend.I had always insisted on non dependence on anyone let alone my children but then that had been driven on to them,why it be like that?.I had worked hard my life to give them a comfortable living and now look at this happening.I am restoring or levying some heavy burden on them.
See,they too have their families to care for.I am now useless old man who has nothing to contribute to any of them should be living on to waste away all the resources.It is not right they sacrificed their happiness so that I live on.
w
Tuesday, November 5, 2013
Chapter 3 Beyond Expectation
Chapter 3 Beyond Expectation
On the 19th.October 13,I had to be accompanied by my son to meet with an appointment for a medical ckeckup at the University Medical Centre,Petaling Jaya.We were there quite early as we wanted to be in front when it opened up for treatments.That was why immediately I went in straight to register myself on arrival.
Thereafter I went in for the measurements and weighing.However,the attending nurse stopped shot at me on seeing my condition of health.She insisted that I see the doctors with immediate effect.Nevertheless without hesitation she alerted the doctors.Further I was placed in waiting room for immediate treatments while waiting for the doctors in come in. This actually had caught me by surprised as I was going in for a simple checkup.True myconsidtion was not that impressive at a glance.
See,I was wheeled chaired into that room by my son.This being so because I could hartdly walk on my own and would also often ran out of breath.My whole body had swelled terribly.The attending doctor came in almost immediately.A simple look at me the doctor ordered that I be put under oxygen and after more examinations he explained to my son that I was in extremely bad condition and oredred that I be sent to emergency ward.
We were told how really bad my condition was and must treated immediately.I was also asked to make my decision on dialysis.The whole affair seemingly so sudden.There was no time even to say "no".There apparently no other way out either accept it or ignoring it.Ignoring it would mean certain death for me or worst installed for me.
For me the doctor he said I was quite tough for I could still run around in my so bad condition.Some others could could collapsed long ago.Seeing neither way out and as I still wanted to live on I gave instruction that I be ready to accept dialysis.With that I was straight away warded at the emergency ward.
Fate has been cruel to me.I had long planned to stay away from dialysis.I thought my kidneys could survive d the ordeal at 12% funtionabilty.How wrong I was and actually there was nothing I could do I suspect was a breaking down process by the kidneys because of aging.Well I think you cannot fight that can I ?.As a consolation I think I had the better of life as I had been given by the Lord an extended twelve years of life.
I had long planned that should I not survive any longer I should not be a burden to any one let alone my own children.Not that I had doubts in the duties of them.With my getting sick so suddenly only proved the fate I survived in them all along.Now that my plans had been dashed what should I do?.My staying alive will now certainly caused untold miseries to them.Dialysis cost money and with much of my hard earned cash gone or depleted by now since I retired because of illness.
This will mean that my cash for my own treatment has reached its limitations.With that gone the rest will have to be dependent on my children.A thing I had dreaded for years is coming to reality,a thing I had never wished for.The idea of having to be a burden to anyone of them never crossed my mind.In any case they have their own family to care for.To rely on them would be quite unfair not that they are not reliable.So far it has proven beyond doubt that my children have not neglected me.
The Dialysis at the University Centre would be for two weeks only,thereafter I would be on my own.There are many such dialysis Centres around town but to seek a correct one is quite a challenge.I was fortunate this time as my son secured a Centre in Kepong not far from our home.However it was to be on a temporary basis only costing $ 180/= per dialysis.The arrangement is valid for two weeks only and after that who knows where I be.I will be having my first dialysis with starting to morrow evening.,
Going about the processing to this Centre alone were some hitches.There was to be a transfer letter from the Univesity Centre and a holiday could delay such .Then there was to be another blood test privately as the Centre does not yield its report to anyone.So I had to undgo another round of blood test at a private clinic.All these cost money and delaid time.Thus my dialysis this time around is delaid by a day.
There should not be any delay especially for senior citizens.According to our law senior citizens above sixty years of age ought to be given free treatment at all government hospitals but sadly not so as patients for the dialysis exsisted places for treatments by many folds,The position is getting worst by the day.Thus everything is so opened to abuses by unscrupulous people.
Fortunately there were many good and kind souls still lingering around to offer free services to the needy.Such mostly non Governmental bodies offered free if not partial remittance of fees
For me these prices are beyond my expectations.I had wanted to abstained from all these to levy such burden on my children but fate had therefore been cruel to me.I had slogged hard all my life working in plantations of private companies.The last company I worked for never paid me any graguity and their insurance nothing to shout about.What to expect from a company whose medical insurance for me was worst than that paid out by SCOSO.Well, one cannot cry over all these split milk.In any case we have gone passed all these and survived,so no point looking what had transpired.
Now presently must concentrate on the future,how not to be so dependent on anyone let alone my children.Is that possible?
to be continued
On the 19th.October 13,I had to be accompanied by my son to meet with an appointment for a medical ckeckup at the University Medical Centre,Petaling Jaya.We were there quite early as we wanted to be in front when it opened up for treatments.That was why immediately I went in straight to register myself on arrival.
Thereafter I went in for the measurements and weighing.However,the attending nurse stopped shot at me on seeing my condition of health.She insisted that I see the doctors with immediate effect.Nevertheless without hesitation she alerted the doctors.Further I was placed in waiting room for immediate treatments while waiting for the doctors in come in. This actually had caught me by surprised as I was going in for a simple checkup.True myconsidtion was not that impressive at a glance.
See,I was wheeled chaired into that room by my son.This being so because I could hartdly walk on my own and would also often ran out of breath.My whole body had swelled terribly.The attending doctor came in almost immediately.A simple look at me the doctor ordered that I be put under oxygen and after more examinations he explained to my son that I was in extremely bad condition and oredred that I be sent to emergency ward.
We were told how really bad my condition was and must treated immediately.I was also asked to make my decision on dialysis.The whole affair seemingly so sudden.There was no time even to say "no".There apparently no other way out either accept it or ignoring it.Ignoring it would mean certain death for me or worst installed for me.
For me the doctor he said I was quite tough for I could still run around in my so bad condition.Some others could could collapsed long ago.Seeing neither way out and as I still wanted to live on I gave instruction that I be ready to accept dialysis.With that I was straight away warded at the emergency ward.
Fate has been cruel to me.I had long planned to stay away from dialysis.I thought my kidneys could survive d the ordeal at 12% funtionabilty.How wrong I was and actually there was nothing I could do I suspect was a breaking down process by the kidneys because of aging.Well I think you cannot fight that can I ?.As a consolation I think I had the better of life as I had been given by the Lord an extended twelve years of life.
I had long planned that should I not survive any longer I should not be a burden to any one let alone my own children.Not that I had doubts in the duties of them.With my getting sick so suddenly only proved the fate I survived in them all along.Now that my plans had been dashed what should I do?.My staying alive will now certainly caused untold miseries to them.Dialysis cost money and with much of my hard earned cash gone or depleted by now since I retired because of illness.
This will mean that my cash for my own treatment has reached its limitations.With that gone the rest will have to be dependent on my children.A thing I had dreaded for years is coming to reality,a thing I had never wished for.The idea of having to be a burden to anyone of them never crossed my mind.In any case they have their own family to care for.To rely on them would be quite unfair not that they are not reliable.So far it has proven beyond doubt that my children have not neglected me.
The Dialysis at the University Centre would be for two weeks only,thereafter I would be on my own.There are many such dialysis Centres around town but to seek a correct one is quite a challenge.I was fortunate this time as my son secured a Centre in Kepong not far from our home.However it was to be on a temporary basis only costing $ 180/= per dialysis.The arrangement is valid for two weeks only and after that who knows where I be.I will be having my first dialysis with starting to morrow evening.,
Going about the processing to this Centre alone were some hitches.There was to be a transfer letter from the Univesity Centre and a holiday could delay such .Then there was to be another blood test privately as the Centre does not yield its report to anyone.So I had to undgo another round of blood test at a private clinic.All these cost money and delaid time.Thus my dialysis this time around is delaid by a day.
There should not be any delay especially for senior citizens.According to our law senior citizens above sixty years of age ought to be given free treatment at all government hospitals but sadly not so as patients for the dialysis exsisted places for treatments by many folds,The position is getting worst by the day.Thus everything is so opened to abuses by unscrupulous people.
Fortunately there were many good and kind souls still lingering around to offer free services to the needy.Such mostly non Governmental bodies offered free if not partial remittance of fees
For me these prices are beyond my expectations.I had wanted to abstained from all these to levy such burden on my children but fate had therefore been cruel to me.I had slogged hard all my life working in plantations of private companies.The last company I worked for never paid me any graguity and their insurance nothing to shout about.What to expect from a company whose medical insurance for me was worst than that paid out by SCOSO.Well, one cannot cry over all these split milk.In any case we have gone passed all these and survived,so no point looking what had transpired.
Now presently must concentrate on the future,how not to be so dependent on anyone let alone my children.Is that possible?
to be continued
Friday, October 4, 2013
Chapter 2 Hell Here I come
Having contemplated on the whole issue of
dialysis,despite all encouragements from relatives and friends alike I
draw the conclusion that it is best I stay away from it.I mean it does not
pay to linger on to some thing that bear no importance or significance.My surviving
continueously would definitely be sheer waste of time and money.I would never be a credit to anyone except in in being a a burdant
Time will tell that everyone alike would grow to hate and disown me on the long run.No,I am not anyone or accusing anyone of being unfaithful or filial towards me.On the contrary they would respect me the more for my sacrifice whatsoever.I mean going away peacefully without creating any problems for others like leaving a lot of messes around for others to mopped up.
Time will tell that everyone alike would grow to hate and disown me on the long run.No,I am not anyone or accusing anyone of being unfaithful or filial towards me.On the contrary they would respect me the more for my sacrifice whatsoever.I mean going away peacefully without creating any problems for others like leaving a lot of messes around for others to mopped up.
Friday, September 13, 2013
Chapter 1 Hell - Here I Come
Chapter 1 Hell Here I Come
Not long ago my doctor at the University Medical Centre informed me that my diabetic condition was nearing a stage whereby I had to undergo dialysis .I was initially devastated at the news.Nevertheless I recover my composure within a short time and listened patiently as what the doctor had further to say.
Nothing amusing really as I was quite saddened at the news.Anyway according to him my position was left with only 12% functionability.He went to extort that I should get prepared to make way for dialysis in the further shouled it deteriorate to 7% or so.Very bad indeed but there I still got some time left to ponder about the whole issue.
On my way home many things ran through my mind.Dialysis would mean that much money will had to be spend.To squander away what I now poccessed through years of hard work would definitely be out of question.Further as it is every family members seem to be having a better life style and happiness and for me to levy any burden on anyone of them would be rather unfair.Oh no cannot destroy what they had strived so hard for.
No doubt they all were duty bound to help out but that ought not be the case if I can help it.Presently they have their own family to attend to,so they should stay as they are and not be burden by me in any way.My very existence is actually very much in significant.For me the world is over and I am of no commercial value of any kind.Presently I just loiter around the house performing nothing useful except maybe play a little bit with my grand children.That is my present joy any way,other than that I am just nothing.
I dread the moment when I were to be liability to them.Perhaps as a silly stinking old man around the house where I would be a pathetic sight to behold,so much so one fine day I had to be chucked into some stupid old folks home to rot away my remaining days.So considering all these,it be better I terminate my very exsistence in this world with a happier note without offending or burden to any one let alone my immediate family members.This way I would well remembered rather than as a silly old fool whom they hated.
I am now seventy-two and the Good Lord has been extremely kind to me to have extended my dear life for another twelve years and another twelve would be great But one cannot expect so many good things bestowed on me.Therefore I am thankful to the Lord for granting me such a wonderful life and everything that came along with it.So I have no regrets should He decide to terminate all these.
To be COntinued.
Monday, June 24, 2013
Dead Man's Tales Chapter 23 The End of the road seemingly Imminent
Today the 24th.June 2013 I went to the university Medical Centre for the results of the tests on my kidneys done earlier.Well as expected the result was bad after a long long wait for.Imagine I had to stay there for at least five hours before I had it dumped into me.
The bad news broken to me gently by a young doctor informing what the future holds for me. My kidneys were 12% functionable and should it dipped further I would have to be prepared for dialysis in the future to keep me alive Anyway I requested to prepare for the worst to come.I was to be informed of all procedures leading to the ultimatum at the Centre.
All were not lost as those were the last resort for the initial problem was to improve my present predicaments.The Doctor suggested a slight changed of my medications.Further to that I was to inject introvieniously plasma into my blood stream as per blood count showed a shortage of blood plasma within.Those injection should sustained me for some time if fortunate for for a longer period before they fully recommend dialysis.The additional injections had to be administered weekly at a cost about $ 40/= ringgit per weeek for a trail period of two months initially.
Well the road seem to get narrower with its distant shorter each time I continue my survival.The end appears not too far off.Sadden that I may have to go away quite fast.At least I had the time to say good bye to all I loved.That was my final consssssolation I think Lord has been kind to allot me the time to have my final moments with kins whom I loved.
Everything maybe ending my financial woes seem to be increasing overloading abundantly That the worst part ain't it so?The problem of having to depend on my children seemingly akward as this would burden them.Though financially I can depend on them but right within my soul I am sadden that I had to be a heavy burden for they had to fight their survival too.I struggled so hard through life and I feel to burden them forcing to toll harder than I had to is not right.
Problems will come alright so allow them be.We deal with them as they come by.We should not worry so much now that I had so little time left..We ought to enjoy ourselves,take life easy.Yes we should treasure evry remaining moments with us.
to be continued
The bad news broken to me gently by a young doctor informing what the future holds for me. My kidneys were 12% functionable and should it dipped further I would have to be prepared for dialysis in the future to keep me alive Anyway I requested to prepare for the worst to come.I was to be informed of all procedures leading to the ultimatum at the Centre.
All were not lost as those were the last resort for the initial problem was to improve my present predicaments.The Doctor suggested a slight changed of my medications.Further to that I was to inject introvieniously plasma into my blood stream as per blood count showed a shortage of blood plasma within.Those injection should sustained me for some time if fortunate for for a longer period before they fully recommend dialysis.The additional injections had to be administered weekly at a cost about $ 40/= ringgit per weeek for a trail period of two months initially.
Well the road seem to get narrower with its distant shorter each time I continue my survival.The end appears not too far off.Sadden that I may have to go away quite fast.At least I had the time to say good bye to all I loved.That was my final consssssolation I think Lord has been kind to allot me the time to have my final moments with kins whom I loved.
Everything maybe ending my financial woes seem to be increasing overloading abundantly That the worst part ain't it so?The problem of having to depend on my children seemingly akward as this would burden them.Though financially I can depend on them but right within my soul I am sadden that I had to be a heavy burden for they had to fight their survival too.I struggled so hard through life and I feel to burden them forcing to toll harder than I had to is not right.
Problems will come alright so allow them be.We deal with them as they come by.We should not worry so much now that I had so little time left..We ought to enjoy ourselves,take life easy.Yes we should treasure evry remaining moments with us.
to be continued
Wednesday, May 8, 2013
Dead Man's Tales Chapter 22 The Cheat of Our Century
In disappointment I write this .It is really disheartening for this day after the 5th.May 2013 general election we have a cheap cheat and a crook leading us.It is unbelievable that a man of his integrity should stooped so low.He had a fifty chance of winning and could have won as he had the rural folks rooted for him.But that would soon be changed should a re-election is forged ahead.The due respect for him would be evaporated slowly by his stupid undertakings.
Accordingly he had reputedly spent 58 million ringgit for this election.Splashing money randomly all round.In the rural areas even small children were given token sums of money.All the goodies plus the money spent made him extremely popular wit the rural folks especially.Urban folks too did obtained some cash benefits plus free lavish dinners and concerts for weeks before election.But sadly all in vain as the majority still voted against him in fact in bigger numbers.Despite this setback he still garnered a larger number of seats in parliament with only 46% (inclusive of phantom voters,postal votes etc) of the popular votes against the Pakatan of 53%.He claimed victory but every one knew who actually won..
Many foreigners were apprehended by our citizens and handed over to the Authorities.Initially,it was believed that many Bangladashis with newly released Malaysian I.Cs were to have been flown in to vote but nothing much materialized.In actual fact thousands of foreigners working in Malaysia were issued with a year's I.C.s a month or so before the election..Some of them were too scared or were stopped from coming out to vote.That was why their numbers risking to vote dwindled to as low number.Many felt that it was wrong for them to vote as they were never citizens of this country.Thus the plan of utilizing foreigners failed miserably.
Mean while when sensing imminent defeat another plan of rigging the voting was on schedule.Yellow voting bags filled marked election slips were on the move almost every remaining counting station through out the peninsular..Well those recorded in the facebook by many and shown to the world.
There was an incidence where a helicopter dropped the yellow election bags in Perak from the sky on to a playing field and caught the eyes of many eye witnesses.Despite objections from eye witnesses they were removed by the Police.Vehicles loaded with yellow voting bags were prevented from entering some counting halls.Sad to say many of those trying to prevent fault in our election would be arrested.Why?we never know. The law seem to be taking sides instead og being neutral.
The results of both Bentong and Labis were announced with DAP as clear winners several times,yet after a series of slow recounting and Blackout in Bentomg during the recount had the BN winning instead.Labis after the re-counter had the BN winning both in extremely suspiciously manners.Other places reported almost identical types of happenings.Perak and Kedak were two other most significant.
The unfair delineating of constituantcies some extremely in urban areas large whilst others in rural areas extremely tiny.It had been as such for years.That was why all the previous elections were similarly bias as well as .fraudulent.Previously most people were easily swayed away by their sweet talk and money politics but today with so much improvements and the accessibility to internet had made the people better informed.
Thus it was a sad day for all of us having been cheated in this election.Another five years would be the same should the conditions and all the wrongs could not be corrected now.It would be true to believe that we had been taken for a ride in most elections all these years.All we the people wanted in just a fair election and rid this lovely country of corruptions.not to mention the mass abuse of power Not only the Chinese had suffered all the other races also shared the same fate.
One thing good though had happened to us.Yes this had brought all the races united against the ruling regime-a racist regime.Pakatan may not have won the election but it had definitely won the hearts of the majority of people -uniting them effortlessly.Never had we been so unified - irrespective of age,culture or race
So united with each other against a common enemy.
No others had the people all rooted for them as Pakatan.One great man we have to thank is Anwar Ibrahim,yes without the slightest doubt.he holds the magic wand He is the Father of Modern Malaysia..
to be continued
Accordingly he had reputedly spent 58 million ringgit for this election.Splashing money randomly all round.In the rural areas even small children were given token sums of money.All the goodies plus the money spent made him extremely popular wit the rural folks especially.Urban folks too did obtained some cash benefits plus free lavish dinners and concerts for weeks before election.But sadly all in vain as the majority still voted against him in fact in bigger numbers.Despite this setback he still garnered a larger number of seats in parliament with only 46% (inclusive of phantom voters,postal votes etc) of the popular votes against the Pakatan of 53%.He claimed victory but every one knew who actually won..
Many foreigners were apprehended by our citizens and handed over to the Authorities.Initially,it was believed that many Bangladashis with newly released Malaysian I.Cs were to have been flown in to vote but nothing much materialized.In actual fact thousands of foreigners working in Malaysia were issued with a year's I.C.s a month or so before the election..Some of them were too scared or were stopped from coming out to vote.That was why their numbers risking to vote dwindled to as low number.Many felt that it was wrong for them to vote as they were never citizens of this country.Thus the plan of utilizing foreigners failed miserably.
Mean while when sensing imminent defeat another plan of rigging the voting was on schedule.Yellow voting bags filled marked election slips were on the move almost every remaining counting station through out the peninsular..Well those recorded in the facebook by many and shown to the world.
There was an incidence where a helicopter dropped the yellow election bags in Perak from the sky on to a playing field and caught the eyes of many eye witnesses.Despite objections from eye witnesses they were removed by the Police.Vehicles loaded with yellow voting bags were prevented from entering some counting halls.Sad to say many of those trying to prevent fault in our election would be arrested.Why?we never know. The law seem to be taking sides instead og being neutral.
The results of both Bentong and Labis were announced with DAP as clear winners several times,yet after a series of slow recounting and Blackout in Bentomg during the recount had the BN winning instead.Labis after the re-counter had the BN winning both in extremely suspiciously manners.Other places reported almost identical types of happenings.Perak and Kedak were two other most significant.
The unfair delineating of constituantcies some extremely in urban areas large whilst others in rural areas extremely tiny.It had been as such for years.That was why all the previous elections were similarly bias as well as .fraudulent.Previously most people were easily swayed away by their sweet talk and money politics but today with so much improvements and the accessibility to internet had made the people better informed.
Thus it was a sad day for all of us having been cheated in this election.Another five years would be the same should the conditions and all the wrongs could not be corrected now.It would be true to believe that we had been taken for a ride in most elections all these years.All we the people wanted in just a fair election and rid this lovely country of corruptions.not to mention the mass abuse of power Not only the Chinese had suffered all the other races also shared the same fate.
One thing good though had happened to us.Yes this had brought all the races united against the ruling regime-a racist regime.Pakatan may not have won the election but it had definitely won the hearts of the majority of people -uniting them effortlessly.Never had we been so unified - irrespective of age,culture or race
So united with each other against a common enemy.
No others had the people all rooted for them as Pakatan.One great man we have to thank is Anwar Ibrahim,yes without the slightest doubt.he holds the magic wand He is the Father of Modern Malaysia..
to be continued
Thursday, March 21, 2013
Dead Man's Tales Chapter 21 Things To Accomplished Before I die.
It is wonderful world we dwelt in.The many years gone by with so much already duly accomplished - some well done resulting with magnificent results while the rest ended in drastic failures.Put aside those failures the positive results of things well done can surely bring about a board smile,beaming and cherishing the fruits of success.The pride of achievements to be remembered.Many to be a legacy for the younger generation to admire if possible follow as good examples in the future.
Now that end is right at the corner for me, many things still lingers around not accomplished as yet.It would be a pity if I cannot do all those things as per plan.But leaving them in writing might induce the next generation to achieve,should what I had not done be worthy for them to accept and accomplished.Maybe they have better plans of their own then.In that case they just had to follow their own dreams not mine.Times had changed so were new ideas. Many ideas I harbored might not be useful to them.It definitely alright should they refused to accept my ideas.
While I am still in existence,to be fair I would try my level best to have them done myself.
Monday, March 4, 2013
Dead Man'sTales Chapter 20 Sadest Encounters
There were many sorrowful moments in my life All these accumulated throughout my life spam.Good and bad experiences were difficult to go by they laid buried within my soul.Yes,moments of happiness and sadness cannot just fade away..
Tuesday, February 19, 2013
Dead Man's Tales Chapter 19 The Loves Of My Entre Life
Everyone had fond memories of certain old loves and I am no different.As far as I remember I initially began to like girls at a very tender age.
Yeah I remember at twelve I met a lovely tall girl - sort of new girl in town.She was a relative of my uncle in Teluk Anson and had just shifted in from Penang.I met her by chance.Her attractiveness and tall chaming personality at the age that young age caught my attentions.
We got on well just as friends nothing materealized actually Sort of puppy love.There were certainly some misfits here as she was comparatively taller compared to my deminutively small stature and undoubtedly fairer than me .However also due to my shyness I drew away and kept my distant.Well just some simple infatuation noting more in reality.She was around for only a short spell before she and her family shifted away to another part of town.There went every thing and nothing continued from thus.It was out of sight and out of mind.
After that we transferred home to Immigrant Road for a short period.Thereafter followed by another changed of environment .This time for the worst to a plantation quarter where our mother worked as a rubber tapper.It was a one room quarter where by our whole family of five had to squeeze in the small space therein.It was never comfortable but we got by.Beggars were no choosers.I was then in form four.Here the comfort of electricity was limited so were the water supply as well as lacking of wash rooms etc.But whatever it was we faced them without much difficulties.
Despite all odds stacked against us our dear sister persisted well studying under the dim lights of kerosene lamp in that she surprised everyone with astonishing results in her school certificate examinations.She was in fact the best student in Lower Perak that time with five distinctions,an achievement to be laud those days.With that she was selected to undergo a teachers' training course in Brinsford Lodge,UK.
With her gone to U.K. we remained residing in the rubber estate called Ratanui Estate.I was fourteen plus then and being young and adventurous we (my brother and I) roamed the whole plantation.running about bare footed as well as shirtless.Mosquitoes bites were common occurrence and they attacked us in frightening numbers.Leeches in the fields etc..They never deter us from running wildly.Neither were we bothered with snakes as we destroyed them on sighting with eased.
Fishing,swimming in small streams and water gates.Teasing girls around the estate and what not you can think of.For the first time we had to learn how to collect firewood for my own cooking of rice.Here actually we became very tougher than before.At week ends we had to aid our mother in the cleaning of latex cups.Yeah,I remembered those awful smell of day old rubber in those cups and hardly washed off us.That was why sometimes we smelt like shit.
Our dear grandmother passed away when I was in form four.From then on we were always in Kuala Lumpur during the school holidays.Otherwise we were just kids from the Ulus.It was during those days that I came to know of the most beautiful girl in the world plus a first tastes of Christianity.
When I was fifteen plus,one of my school mate school mate introduced her to me I was at his house after a Sunday school service.Her enchanting lovely smile stole my heart away that very moment.Apparently that was the happiest day of my young life.Admittedly that truly was love at sight for me.,as we hit off almost immediately as good friends.
I had fond memories of our first encounter as she wore a very impressive warm board smile.She then very young and had long smooth flowing long hair always binding them like a horse tail..I was taken by her soft and lovely talk and we became friends that instant on.You can say that I was overwhelmed by her immerse beauty.I can tell that it was nothing like puppy love that was instant love.Yes that awesome feeling embedded within was showing on my red face.My friend noticed my transformation went on teasing me too.Much to her delight.
Subsequently I became a frequent visitor to her house.As I was already in form five her mother requested me to assist her and her other siblings in their studies.My goodness gracious me!!! Why me? I myself ain't good at my studies too,how could I guide them.So I made a fool of myself there.That caused my impression to slip to a low app.,but I struggle on.All because I wished to see her every day.We would attend church cervices together.Escorting to and back from school was another common sight.But alas!!all nice things would soon end.
Because as we go by every morning some one else was watching us closely,...no,not me- it was her he was eying.He was the rich coffee merchant son.Apparently he too had interest in her.When her mother knew about this I was abruptly told to stay away from her instantly.That hurt my heart very much.Without delay I walked hastily away with my bicycle .
Tears flooded my eyes and over flowed, streaming down my cheeks that very instant as I walked away.My face was completely drenched with tears.I was so hurt . I could not control my emotions.Once on the main road I cycled away aimlessly as fast as I could, crying my heart out towards Selaba Estate.I was deeply grieved by the fact that poor boy should not for in love anyone.Only the rich has that right so from on I was determined to perform well in life.
Fate had in deed been cruel to me.But then fate can changed should I work hard to achieve it.Nothing can obstruct my path should I worked towards it so. I was decided to win her back somehow.I then decided to study hard,thereafter secure a good job.All these ran through my mind as I rode on in tears.I rode and rode until my tears could flow no more.
With that I launch my strategy to study hard to secure a good school cert result.By day I pretended to turn bad real bad,roaming the streets looking for troubles.Deep into the nights I would then study hard until the wee wee hours.That was why I was always sleepy in class.But then no one seem to bother me because I was already classified as bad with no future.
Within that time we shifted off from the estate and lived in a rented room along Jalan Pasir Pedamar.It was a simple tiny room,perched at a corner of a second floor.Our mother was then tapping rubber for small holder for slightly better payments.So only the three of us lived in that room actually.Life was tough as we had to walk all the way to our auntie's house for our food.My examination was due and I had to study as per plan.Here I need no kerosene lamp for there was electricity throughout the night.
As soon as the examination was over I snatched the first job opportunity that came by.I joined the rubber plantation,like it or not.At least I had a fresh start in life.Turning bad was not the way out of my predicaments I did it intensionally out of scorned.Should I be no good so let it be I turned bad extremely bad.One thing I like to create an impression that I was really no good at all.
When I first secured that planting position I immediately joined it.In any case jobs were difficult to come by.Yes,I have came to a reality that turning bad was never the best option out of my problems or to win her back.To perform well in whatever I do was. Whatever it was it stuck on to me for life.Yes that was how I became a planter.and was a damn good one,judging from the tough rough road I had ventured through.
Along the way I met many many beautiful women and I actually had quite a romantic life.In Taiping I met with a couple young beauties.I had no linked with anyone until I met met Penny in tat first estate.I dated her and kissed her for the very first time.That was the first kiss for both of us and mine,mine It surely was very sweet.Yes,I can still remember how it tasted.The kiss was by all means full of fury and ferocious.It left distinctive mark in my entire life.
The kiss was undoubtedly the best but thereafter sad to admit it make me come in term with my senses.How awful,because I realized that kiss should had been reserved for the one I left behind not her -definitely not her.In actual fact I felt that I had betrayed her and was guilty all over.Oh good Lord I should not have made those advances when my heart was actually a distance away.
So I made a rash decision to leave her alone.That hurt the damn Penny a lot.I could not bear to hurt her further in that I was transferred away to Selama.To another estate far in the interior up north of Perak.To me to suffer a little pain once and for all instead of continue bluffing her and lived on with it.Accordingly she was so hurt felt that she was sick for sometime but recovered in time to realized that truth.There was no way she could have forgiven me but I cannot help it.I regretted that very much.That ought to be in the interest of both of us.May God blessed her wherever she maybe.
In Selama,initially I led a lonely life with not many friends if any they were miles away.Selama was a cowboy town then,filled with many former members of the Communist Party,where they survived as restricted residences. They actually had surrendered to the Government and given a place to live on under constant Police supervision.Much of such people were drunkards that was why these people gathered at coffee shops for their drinks,just like cowboys drinking and yearning away time.I sometimes wonder where they had so much cash to drink?Not only drink like a fish but got drunk as well. on a daily basis.
Even that I was miles from this town.Venturing out to town through a long length of winding and slippery road was torturous sufficiently enough to bear.On a rainy day it could definitely be worst.And travelling in old bone shakers type of vehicles make those trips terrifying and memorable.Worst of all I was told those road were haunted.Those areas were once the favarite hunting grounds of the bandits and heavily infested by them.Of which many of them incluiding the security forces met their ends.
I was lucky as I was there after the Emergency.Within those `short three months I was there nothing much happened except gaining some useful experiences in replanting of rubber.To be honest I had a short encounter with a women some years my senior.It was a short live encounter of which we were intimate for a short spell.She was lovely although older. Being lonely and in desperation I met up with her.Nothing more romantic developed any further before I was transferred off to Bentong,Pahang under the same Company.
To-date I had not accomplished anything near to what I had intended previously.No head way and with low salary of which made me quite miserable .I ahd been in planting for almost five years yet reaching my goal seem adversely impossible./I had hardly settled down in Bentong then came a sudden news celivered to me by my dear brother that the one I had loved was already married to another.
That was sufficient to set my heart apart.Now that all my dreams apparently devastated by it.In fact I really did consider ending all of such a wretch life once and for all, and contemplated taking my own life but I was not brave enough to do it.yeah,I was a damn coward it would had been better should I be brave enough to do it.In self pity I drifted into grief.However it was short lived as I soon got hold of myself saying,"What the heck?It is not the end of the world.There are so many more girls around and I might as well make the best of these opportunities and enjoy myself to the fullest."
Armed with that new thought I went into action and began my wild exploitations.Girls were easy to come by in Bentong,I flirted with many of them without a hinge of shame in me.Whatever I do I still could not forget her.Her shadow followed my every steps,every movement with other girls.I jsut could not find another her,so I played around with most of them and leaving them in a lurched.Not that cruel really I was trying to find another woman that could match her.She need not be as beautiful but charming sufficiently to attract me.
Every evening I would be in town searching.beside meeting many others attractive ladies I also met with my present wife.We went steady for a period though,but unfortunately I too dropped her.
half way through our courtship.Thereafter I drifted on to other females.By then may had term,ed me as a playboy.Play boy or otherwise I still had those beautiful moments with some of them.With so many to select from that one I sorted still eluded me.What a shame?.Pardon me for not reviewing any of the females I had affair with here,no use exploiting those cases any further beside unethical.
Following I joined Kempulan Guthrie as a Probationary Assistant but it was shoft lived before I was retrenched after one and a half years'stinct.It was definitely a very bad setback for me as jlining them had actually brighten my career status.Naturally I was devastated and felt at a lost. and there was no one to console me or ever able to lend her shoulder to me lean on.
There were one or two of whom I for saw as unsuitable candidates.Their effect not would induce me to brave on.I actually require someone who could allow me to rely on for a little support.It is true that every successful man needed a woman;s support.That someone whom he could fully trust and give his life to.I ran through my list of other women whom I had affairs with and concluded with one.She is my present wife.
Having that mind another problem was to locate here and would she be available still?.A worthwhile trip to Bentong solved my problem and with much difficulties I secured her where about.See,I was no really that bad as people still led me to her.Apparently in grief after our breakup she had left town to work in Yong Peng.Without hesitation I rushed to that cowboy town.
True enough she was there and was astonished to see me.It was an easy trip for me as I soon realized she still loved me very much.Without wasting we matched up almost immediately to the dismay of many suitors who were aiming for her.True love still the winner here.I took her home and we married at the Registrar almost immediately.
She was more beautiful than before.Slim pretty and very charming.The first moment I saw her again I rediculously fell in love with her all over again for the second time. And this time is for reality.I knew for sure I had made the correct choice.In deed in her I had a replacement.We have been happily married since and have three children all presently grown up.All my children are all married and have their own children.And we are now grandparents to presently five grand children.
So they say childhood sweet heart were hard to relinquish.Admittedly till tday memories of her still lingers within my soul.But the love for her had vanished or gone to another - my wife.Men are men even though had achievements what you harbored in the heart still went astray sometimes.For there are so many wonderful beauties around to fool around with what was the harm in some unusual trips.Well,as long as you play it safe and keep them away from the family's reach it is practically alright.But wife are forever forgiving creatures so should we play our cards right there are still ways out when in troubles. However a word of precaution,"Please do not over do it"."Play you must,but never,never neglect your family".
After my marriage I do ventured a little too far at times.That were blaaaaaaaatant truths.Sometimes tis called the seven years itch.A fling or two are okay to a happy marriage.
To be continued.
Yeah I remember at twelve I met a lovely tall girl - sort of new girl in town.She was a relative of my uncle in Teluk Anson and had just shifted in from Penang.I met her by chance.Her attractiveness and tall chaming personality at the age that young age caught my attentions.
We got on well just as friends nothing materealized actually Sort of puppy love.There were certainly some misfits here as she was comparatively taller compared to my deminutively small stature and undoubtedly fairer than me .However also due to my shyness I drew away and kept my distant.Well just some simple infatuation noting more in reality.She was around for only a short spell before she and her family shifted away to another part of town.There went every thing and nothing continued from thus.It was out of sight and out of mind.
After that we transferred home to Immigrant Road for a short period.Thereafter followed by another changed of environment .This time for the worst to a plantation quarter where our mother worked as a rubber tapper.It was a one room quarter where by our whole family of five had to squeeze in the small space therein.It was never comfortable but we got by.Beggars were no choosers.I was then in form four.Here the comfort of electricity was limited so were the water supply as well as lacking of wash rooms etc.But whatever it was we faced them without much difficulties.
Despite all odds stacked against us our dear sister persisted well studying under the dim lights of kerosene lamp in that she surprised everyone with astonishing results in her school certificate examinations.She was in fact the best student in Lower Perak that time with five distinctions,an achievement to be laud those days.With that she was selected to undergo a teachers' training course in Brinsford Lodge,UK.
With her gone to U.K. we remained residing in the rubber estate called Ratanui Estate.I was fourteen plus then and being young and adventurous we (my brother and I) roamed the whole plantation.running about bare footed as well as shirtless.Mosquitoes bites were common occurrence and they attacked us in frightening numbers.Leeches in the fields etc..They never deter us from running wildly.Neither were we bothered with snakes as we destroyed them on sighting with eased.
Fishing,swimming in small streams and water gates.Teasing girls around the estate and what not you can think of.For the first time we had to learn how to collect firewood for my own cooking of rice.Here actually we became very tougher than before.At week ends we had to aid our mother in the cleaning of latex cups.Yeah,I remembered those awful smell of day old rubber in those cups and hardly washed off us.That was why sometimes we smelt like shit.
Our dear grandmother passed away when I was in form four.From then on we were always in Kuala Lumpur during the school holidays.Otherwise we were just kids from the Ulus.It was during those days that I came to know of the most beautiful girl in the world plus a first tastes of Christianity.
When I was fifteen plus,one of my school mate school mate introduced her to me I was at his house after a Sunday school service.Her enchanting lovely smile stole my heart away that very moment.Apparently that was the happiest day of my young life.Admittedly that truly was love at sight for me.,as we hit off almost immediately as good friends.
I had fond memories of our first encounter as she wore a very impressive warm board smile.She then very young and had long smooth flowing long hair always binding them like a horse tail..I was taken by her soft and lovely talk and we became friends that instant on.You can say that I was overwhelmed by her immerse beauty.I can tell that it was nothing like puppy love that was instant love.Yes that awesome feeling embedded within was showing on my red face.My friend noticed my transformation went on teasing me too.Much to her delight.
Subsequently I became a frequent visitor to her house.As I was already in form five her mother requested me to assist her and her other siblings in their studies.My goodness gracious me!!! Why me? I myself ain't good at my studies too,how could I guide them.So I made a fool of myself there.That caused my impression to slip to a low app.,but I struggle on.All because I wished to see her every day.We would attend church cervices together.Escorting to and back from school was another common sight.But alas!!all nice things would soon end.
Because as we go by every morning some one else was watching us closely,...no,not me- it was her he was eying.He was the rich coffee merchant son.Apparently he too had interest in her.When her mother knew about this I was abruptly told to stay away from her instantly.That hurt my heart very much.Without delay I walked hastily away with my bicycle .
Tears flooded my eyes and over flowed, streaming down my cheeks that very instant as I walked away.My face was completely drenched with tears.I was so hurt . I could not control my emotions.Once on the main road I cycled away aimlessly as fast as I could, crying my heart out towards Selaba Estate.I was deeply grieved by the fact that poor boy should not for in love anyone.Only the rich has that right so from on I was determined to perform well in life.
Fate had in deed been cruel to me.But then fate can changed should I work hard to achieve it.Nothing can obstruct my path should I worked towards it so. I was decided to win her back somehow.I then decided to study hard,thereafter secure a good job.All these ran through my mind as I rode on in tears.I rode and rode until my tears could flow no more.
With that I launch my strategy to study hard to secure a good school cert result.By day I pretended to turn bad real bad,roaming the streets looking for troubles.Deep into the nights I would then study hard until the wee wee hours.That was why I was always sleepy in class.But then no one seem to bother me because I was already classified as bad with no future.
Within that time we shifted off from the estate and lived in a rented room along Jalan Pasir Pedamar.It was a simple tiny room,perched at a corner of a second floor.Our mother was then tapping rubber for small holder for slightly better payments.So only the three of us lived in that room actually.Life was tough as we had to walk all the way to our auntie's house for our food.My examination was due and I had to study as per plan.Here I need no kerosene lamp for there was electricity throughout the night.
As soon as the examination was over I snatched the first job opportunity that came by.I joined the rubber plantation,like it or not.At least I had a fresh start in life.Turning bad was not the way out of my predicaments I did it intensionally out of scorned.Should I be no good so let it be I turned bad extremely bad.One thing I like to create an impression that I was really no good at all.
When I first secured that planting position I immediately joined it.In any case jobs were difficult to come by.Yes,I have came to a reality that turning bad was never the best option out of my problems or to win her back.To perform well in whatever I do was. Whatever it was it stuck on to me for life.Yes that was how I became a planter.and was a damn good one,judging from the tough rough road I had ventured through.
Along the way I met many many beautiful women and I actually had quite a romantic life.In Taiping I met with a couple young beauties.I had no linked with anyone until I met met Penny in tat first estate.I dated her and kissed her for the very first time.That was the first kiss for both of us and mine,mine It surely was very sweet.Yes,I can still remember how it tasted.The kiss was by all means full of fury and ferocious.It left distinctive mark in my entire life.
The kiss was undoubtedly the best but thereafter sad to admit it make me come in term with my senses.How awful,because I realized that kiss should had been reserved for the one I left behind not her -definitely not her.In actual fact I felt that I had betrayed her and was guilty all over.Oh good Lord I should not have made those advances when my heart was actually a distance away.
So I made a rash decision to leave her alone.That hurt the damn Penny a lot.I could not bear to hurt her further in that I was transferred away to Selama.To another estate far in the interior up north of Perak.To me to suffer a little pain once and for all instead of continue bluffing her and lived on with it.Accordingly she was so hurt felt that she was sick for sometime but recovered in time to realized that truth.There was no way she could have forgiven me but I cannot help it.I regretted that very much.That ought to be in the interest of both of us.May God blessed her wherever she maybe.
In Selama,initially I led a lonely life with not many friends if any they were miles away.Selama was a cowboy town then,filled with many former members of the Communist Party,where they survived as restricted residences. They actually had surrendered to the Government and given a place to live on under constant Police supervision.Much of such people were drunkards that was why these people gathered at coffee shops for their drinks,just like cowboys drinking and yearning away time.I sometimes wonder where they had so much cash to drink?Not only drink like a fish but got drunk as well. on a daily basis.
Even that I was miles from this town.Venturing out to town through a long length of winding and slippery road was torturous sufficiently enough to bear.On a rainy day it could definitely be worst.And travelling in old bone shakers type of vehicles make those trips terrifying and memorable.Worst of all I was told those road were haunted.Those areas were once the favarite hunting grounds of the bandits and heavily infested by them.Of which many of them incluiding the security forces met their ends.
I was lucky as I was there after the Emergency.Within those `short three months I was there nothing much happened except gaining some useful experiences in replanting of rubber.To be honest I had a short encounter with a women some years my senior.It was a short live encounter of which we were intimate for a short spell.She was lovely although older. Being lonely and in desperation I met up with her.Nothing more romantic developed any further before I was transferred off to Bentong,Pahang under the same Company.
To-date I had not accomplished anything near to what I had intended previously.No head way and with low salary of which made me quite miserable .I ahd been in planting for almost five years yet reaching my goal seem adversely impossible./I had hardly settled down in Bentong then came a sudden news celivered to me by my dear brother that the one I had loved was already married to another.
That was sufficient to set my heart apart.Now that all my dreams apparently devastated by it.In fact I really did consider ending all of such a wretch life once and for all, and contemplated taking my own life but I was not brave enough to do it.yeah,I was a damn coward it would had been better should I be brave enough to do it.In self pity I drifted into grief.However it was short lived as I soon got hold of myself saying,"What the heck?It is not the end of the world.There are so many more girls around and I might as well make the best of these opportunities and enjoy myself to the fullest."
Armed with that new thought I went into action and began my wild exploitations.Girls were easy to come by in Bentong,I flirted with many of them without a hinge of shame in me.Whatever I do I still could not forget her.Her shadow followed my every steps,every movement with other girls.I jsut could not find another her,so I played around with most of them and leaving them in a lurched.Not that cruel really I was trying to find another woman that could match her.She need not be as beautiful but charming sufficiently to attract me.
Every evening I would be in town searching.beside meeting many others attractive ladies I also met with my present wife.We went steady for a period though,but unfortunately I too dropped her.
half way through our courtship.Thereafter I drifted on to other females.By then may had term,ed me as a playboy.Play boy or otherwise I still had those beautiful moments with some of them.With so many to select from that one I sorted still eluded me.What a shame?.Pardon me for not reviewing any of the females I had affair with here,no use exploiting those cases any further beside unethical.
Following I joined Kempulan Guthrie as a Probationary Assistant but it was shoft lived before I was retrenched after one and a half years'stinct.It was definitely a very bad setback for me as jlining them had actually brighten my career status.Naturally I was devastated and felt at a lost. and there was no one to console me or ever able to lend her shoulder to me lean on.
There were one or two of whom I for saw as unsuitable candidates.Their effect not would induce me to brave on.I actually require someone who could allow me to rely on for a little support.It is true that every successful man needed a woman;s support.That someone whom he could fully trust and give his life to.I ran through my list of other women whom I had affairs with and concluded with one.She is my present wife.
Having that mind another problem was to locate here and would she be available still?.A worthwhile trip to Bentong solved my problem and with much difficulties I secured her where about.See,I was no really that bad as people still led me to her.Apparently in grief after our breakup she had left town to work in Yong Peng.Without hesitation I rushed to that cowboy town.
True enough she was there and was astonished to see me.It was an easy trip for me as I soon realized she still loved me very much.Without wasting we matched up almost immediately to the dismay of many suitors who were aiming for her.True love still the winner here.I took her home and we married at the Registrar almost immediately.
She was more beautiful than before.Slim pretty and very charming.The first moment I saw her again I rediculously fell in love with her all over again for the second time. And this time is for reality.I knew for sure I had made the correct choice.In deed in her I had a replacement.We have been happily married since and have three children all presently grown up.All my children are all married and have their own children.And we are now grandparents to presently five grand children.
So they say childhood sweet heart were hard to relinquish.Admittedly till tday memories of her still lingers within my soul.But the love for her had vanished or gone to another - my wife.Men are men even though had achievements what you harbored in the heart still went astray sometimes.For there are so many wonderful beauties around to fool around with what was the harm in some unusual trips.Well,as long as you play it safe and keep them away from the family's reach it is practically alright.But wife are forever forgiving creatures so should we play our cards right there are still ways out when in troubles. However a word of precaution,"Please do not over do it"."Play you must,but never,never neglect your family".
After my marriage I do ventured a little too far at times.That were blaaaaaaaatant truths.Sometimes tis called the seven years itch.A fling or two are okay to a happy marriage.
To be continued.
Saturday, January 26, 2013
Dead Man's Tales Chapter 18 Should I Be Given A Second Chance.....
Heaven forbibes,should I be given a second chance in life what would I do?.Good Lord should there be one would I be smarter than before?.Well,no one ever gave me that opportunity but indulged in deep dreaming would be excellent.Yeah, some wishful thinking.No truth what so ever does not matter,just wild imaginations.It should make me smile a little and with a giggle say,"what the heck?".It surely made my day.
In reality,giving others a second chance might ultimately led to your own downfall.Most people are revengeful as proven in history.Great leaders never gave anyone that second chance.In Chinese history there were many such story.The most being one where a warring general Liu Pei was defeated the great geberal Chang.Liu Pei through his cunningness pleaded for mercy.
Being generous and soft hearted General Chang took mercy on him to forgive and set him free.In return when Lui had re-established himself again,he took on Chang and defeated him.With that victory he gave orders to his men to pursue and beheaded Chang,showing no mercy..So the treacherous Lui Pei did not give him even an opportunity to plead for his life.
That was part of Chinese history. So history does repeat itself.It was the same with other history.I too learned the hard way that should you put some one out of action you ought to see to it that he cannot return to turn the table on you.Kindness ought to consider but never to an enemy,
Enemies are always enemies.They can never be your friends.Yeah,the bible says otherwise like "Forgive your enemies".Yes,good but be careful, beware of them.Or never turn your back to them.
Bestowing a second chance of myself would similarly just as futile.True for me I could correct all the wrongs and mistakes I made but having all those things like served on a plate belated no favor.How would that be when you become all of aa sudden so smart and achieved the inevitable without any tolling hard for them.
Throughout history had taught us that it were by mistakes of trial and errors that made the beautiful world the way it is presently.So as they say."Rome was no built in a day".Just imagine what a world would be should everyone behaved and performed as normal.Then there be no insanity.Or the crazy would called us insane,
The only place where people lived in harmony is a place we called Heaven.That should be the second chance for each and everyone of us.So that all the righteous and God fearing shall ultimately dwelt.A saintly place.Hell is for evil doers or bad,bad men and women.That the place where crooks,thieves,prostitutes and all other evil doers.Should you like to enjoy life after death that should also be the place you should envy.
All the above are here say only,no one had been to Heaven or Hell although there were many who claimed they have been there.It is a universal believe.You have to really die first to realize it.In the meantime just dream on.
Coming back to that should be given a second chance to relive my life.This somehow was a wishful thinking no reality.Being a good dreamer is something at least you keep your brain fully occupied and reflected in you some
wishful smile.Putting a beautiful smile is quite difficult but doing it yourself can be self satisfying.Should there be no reality so what it was only a day dreaming.
Dreaming is an art which can bring joy and happiness to one self.Day dreaming can led one astray but as long as you do not over do it go over board with that dream and it do not hurt anyone or yourself- it is practically alright.Once one crossed that border line in dreaming that could eventually drive one self crazy.Then you can be insane.
Say what you may but I think insane people were the happiest people in the world,They carefree of the world passing by them no matter what,For they have no worries at all.They do not worry about their next meal or where it came from they could devour any rubbish from any dump.They waved and danced around the streets as though the whole world belonged to them.Only the unscrupulous took advantage of such beautiful cheerful people.We have such cruel animals within our midst - sad to say.
In my day dreaming I always imagined that how nice it would be should I be given a second chance in my life.Life should not be the same or could that be possible.No,I perceived not.Because I cannot possibly changed things which were already there.For I had no magic wane to transform my family's fortune.It was going down in a bad bad state.
We were all then too young to understand all those.So how do I relive and changed things then and there.Perhaps I could in stead of being lazy over my studies and excelled with plenty of hard work.But then without any guidance hard work alone would not bear fruits.So what changes could I have made.So the second chance would not come in handy it remained at square one.
In school I was considered an average student if given a second chance to possibility of mine being able to transform into a better student does not hold water.Jobs were scared then,even our father had failed in securing any better jobs.With his education not exceeding that of junior middle three, he stood no chance in getting any reasonable employment.
Further he was by far a spoilt brat that made matters even worst.The family's fortune had dwindled to almost zero and so to improve himself through never existed if any there was insufficient capital to work on.Neither was he complitative enough to complete in this world of business.Being a spoilt child his little capital under him never lasted long.So to me any second chance dimmed hopeless.
Our poor mother remained as it was helpless.What little help she could she did.Being a woman there not much she could had done.The only thing she was used was to tap rubber for small holders.The merger income she brought back help us to tie over our food bills nothing more.That was how we survived.There was a time when we were forced to live in a rubber estate's quarter.
All of us were then too young to work is any the wages alloted were even smaller.Life was hard but one thing we never lining on starvation despite our wrecked conditions.Our sister passed the School Certificate Exam.with flying colours studying under adverse conditions of just the dim lighting of a kerosene lamp.
There after two years later I began working in the rubber plantation in Taiping,Perak.Should be given a chance to relive that what changes could could i possibly made to transform things.No much I supposed.Because jobs were scared in that era.Considering the various options I think I could achieved nothing at all.Working hard was no criteria the as I was slogging the hell out to achieve something but not making any head ways.
So I with due considerations I think what had transpired was good sufficiently for that period of time.I remember an uncle telling me that I could had done better by going all out privately - individually tackling private small holders and taking a few at a time.That idea was good but with my tender age and with not much known achievements and experiences where do I stand?.It was not so easy as said as no one would trust an unknown young "Chiku",let alone allow me to handle their properties.
Another thing being environmental. Our small holders prefer tp handle the small holdings all by themselves and worked accordingly.The meager earnings from those small holdings were justifiably sufficient for their own consumption.Should they allow some one else beside them selves to haaandle their properties where else could they go.Loiter around coffee shops,yearning away?.Anyway that was their normal duties before and after work.So no way that idea suddenly become a very stupid suggestion.That was never the small holders or slightly bigger ones' culture, anyway.
So unless I relive with a "Midas touch" there were no way I could had changed things for the better.We older generation like to day dreamed about about past and lament over all those foolish mistakes we had undertaken.In reality it took all the mistakes to establish what we are today.Should there be no yesterday there would never be a today,Well it was surely a long long way to come to what we are these days.At least we could live to brag about in many days to come.So come what may it surely is glad to be alive.
History does repeat itself but not us.What were done cannot be undone.Therefore there is no second chance and will never be.The world just had to roll on and on,flattening all all hopefuls of another chance.
To be continued
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